I isolate myself to keep safe. I have few friends and no family.
My experience has been that people—even those I like—make me tired. They want too much from me. All I want to do is be left alone.
this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2023
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CPTSD
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I wish I could be alone myself. I'm not enjoying having to put myself out there it I'm being honest.
I feel like I know exactly what you mean by your second paragraph. Like any amount of interaction, even responding to texts, is a gargantuan effort and almost an unwanted chore.
I think it's pretty standard. I grew up in an isolated environment, so it's a bit of a chicken-or-egg situation.
I was betrayed again and again. I have few friends but try to keep up with them at least once a year.
I have lost almost all my friends. I isolate because people always hurt me. I’m sick of being hurt and since I can’t control what others do, I can just remove myself from the equation.
Well, I've had CPTSD since early childhood. Never liked crowds much. Became homeless for 20+ years and I decided to do street ministry to force myself to interact with people no matter how tough it was for me mentally. This was something I did constantly for years and while it's helped me in many ways I still have little desire to be around people and I still kinda find life to be pointless.
But a benefit from all this. I found my true identity and today, I'm at peace with myself even though this strange movie keeps replaying over and over again. It's still uncomfortable for me but I have a much better grip on it than I used to. So I don't have episodes that last too long even though they're quite intense still.
When I am not in touch with people on a regular basis, I sometimes forget that I even exist. It's so hard!!
How will it hurt people for you to change?
I find it very difficult with socializing cause it feels like my mind and mouth are so disconnected that what ever comes out is a jumbled mess in person and then I constantly second guess talking online most of the time cause I assume I'll always will be seen a idiot or a target
also I'm not really interested in some of the most common interest people have or is too specific for the topic that people don't really care about or too hard for me to put into words or text.