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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/bbrownbrown on 2023-07-17 20:56:01+00:00.
I ran my own business for a few years. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't keep good notes, I was very ill for most of 6 years, and I spent $ willy nilly when I had it (part of my illness) so now that I'm feeling better and my life is more manageable, I am trying to pick up the pieces.
Credit cards in collections that I don't even remember taking out, mountains of unopened mail, unpaid bills, and worst of all, backtaxes. We used his father's accountant each year. My ex paid his taxes with his hourly fast food wages. I paid for pretty much everything in the house, and at the end of the year we would get a $3000 voucher to be sent to the IRS with a check. I never had $3000 sitting around so I saw the first one and put it away in a drawer and nothing bad happened. The next year, I was sicker, the year after, even sicker than that!
By the time I started getting my life back in order, we had married filing jointly backtaxes of 2016, 2017, and 2018, and I filed single for 2019. We were separated in May 2020 and his house had a lein on it bc of the taxes, and they were ready to start taking wages and freezing bank accounts. When I called the IRS, they told me I would have to make a payment plan for $10k and they would also take tax returns to pay towards the balance until it was current again.
I set up a payment plan of $170 a month, more than I could afford, and it barely made a dent with all the fees and interest. It felt impossible. I still got 2016 taken care of on my own, he and I are still jointly responsible for 2017 and 2018, roughly $6k. I have nothing in my name that the government can come after, not a car or house or anything. Now I save for and pay taxes at the end of the year instead of getting my return taken, and I'm making payments towards my 2019 single balance.
2017 and 2018 are not being paid at all bc he has repeatedly said he is outraged at having to clean up my mess. We have zero contact now (his preference) and I got him to make $105 payments for a few months, but he stopped and since he gets an hourly wage, they are going to continue to take his tax return every year until it's paid off. His family chimed in that I should take care of the $ and it's not my ex's fault I "forgot" to pay my taxes. Again, I was very ill. What is his excuse?
When I am done paying 2019, I will start to make minimum payments to 2017 to keep them away from my bank account. But I know it won't really touch the principle. Is it a shitty move to potentially leave my ex with the bill? The IRS said they don't care who pays, they just want their money, and if they want to, the can burn your life to the ground. I tried to be civil but he doesn't want my help.
AITAH? Part of the reason I don't think I'm completely to blame is bc once, while living in the city, he got a parking ticket. He ignored it and kept parking there. $10,000 in parking tickets later, his parents had to take out a loan to pay it off bc his car was in their name.
EDIT: thanks for even the mean feedback, I can see now that maybe I'm just being bitter and vindictive. He wasn't the perfect husband either. But in this instance, yes, I'm the jerk. Maybe I'll revisit the matter when I'm less angry.