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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/throwawry_account on 2023-07-17 21:40:07+00:00.
I spend time with my daughters, their husbands and children every few months. They also come to my house for the year-end holidays. On the other hand, I see my son and his wife and kids once a year but it has been six years since they last joined us for Christmas. I really want to gather all my kids and their families for Christmas this year so I started by talking to my son this early on.
At first, he made the same excuses as before why he doesn’t fly to us such as there’s no nonstop flight to my city, he doesn’t want to subject the little toddlers to potential flight cancellations due to inclement weather, etc. Upon pressing further, I learned it’s his wife who refuses to do the holidays with us if the celebrations are hosted in my house.
Of course that hurt my feelings so I begged my son to put his wife on the phone. She only ever answers my text messages and never my phone calls but I needed to talk to her this time. It was a very curt call which ended in her telling me to expect an email. Finally several hours later, I checked my email and it shows a long list of the times I “overstepped boundaries,” per my son’s wife. Some of the items on the list are as old as about 10 years ago and honestly, I do not have recollection on most of these.
Some of the things mentioned are me trying to name their boys when they were born, allegedly I blamed my son’s wife for the decline in his fashion choices, me allegedly telling his wife I was disappointed they didn’t own a house and kept renting in Los Angeles, etc. There’s a list with dates and more. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve only been welcoming to my daughter-in-law, cook her favorites when they come visit on non-holidays, made their stay comfortable, and so on.
I texted my daughter-in-law and admitted that I don’t recall most of the things she emailed and alleged that I’ve done. I called my son and asked him to back me up and reassure his wife that I love them all and maybe she just misinterpreted what I’ve been saying.
AITA for not having any memory of allegedly mistreated my wife’s son? How do I go from here? It’s hard to consider apologizing for things I don’t recall doing or saying. I shared with one of my daughter’s the email and she said that his sister-in-law is just looking for situations to document and to let them be if they don’t want to join us for the holidays.