My friends. I have a wonderful small group who at this point know when I need to talk, or when I need a distraction, or when I just need to sit in quiet but still want company. I'm fairly confident that I wouldn't be here without them.
this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2023
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No one. Tired of having people turn their back or outright slapping my hands away. Even had two therapists forget about me, which was fucking fabulous when I'd just been assessed by the crisis team as high risk for suicide.
Just want someone to relax and play games with, the ask for company has never been a high bar. Easier to have a circle of friends that is empty than be continually forgotten or excluded.
A few times I needed to leave home and get my mind cleared. Distance helped. I would go to my friends house for the night. I’m in Chicago Area and he was in Champaign.
He move to San Francisco so I went to my Grandmothers in Toronto for a week.
Other times I take the dog to do something.
That wasn’t sustainable so I started seeing a therapist if only just to vent and put an emotion on what I’m feeling. I have so much to vent that I make my therapist overwhelmed.
My mind gets burnt out from feeling that way and I start doing the bare minimum to put food in my belly. It usually goes uphill from there
Our minds work in mysterious ways, that’s for sure. I‘m thankful that I haven’t hit rock bottom for quite a while. It doesn’t hurt to know whom you can reach out to when you do though.
I have been that low a couple of times, and my current mentality has managed to get me out. It's astounding how close it is, somewhat like an unrefined version of self-help books which advise you to get up after getting to such a point.
Also the fact that I have no one to rely on might have made this a coping mechanism.
Cheers
I have people but i don't see the point in talking to others about problems that are in my head. If it gets bad I usually get drunk and complain into the internet void then wake up and delete my account and make a new username and start fresh. The older I get the less I'm pushed towards breaking point.
That's not a thing right? Nobody wants to deal with your personal shit. Everyone has their own issues and don't need more. Just like everyone else, nobody. It's my shit to sort out.
We are social creatures and there's just so much you can handle on your own. I wonder what your point of view is about Friendship. What do you consider as a friend? What does make a friend? Genuinely curious.