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In case of Raspbian, you can create a wpa_supplicant.conf in the boot partition with:
network={
ssid="testing"
psk="testingPassword"
}
and a empty ssh file.
For the user config, since bullseye you need to make an account on first boot, that can be done with a userconf file, but it's a bit more involved. You can see how to do it at the end of This blog post
Im planning on putting debian on it, so I think its slightly different because e.g. theres no raspberry pi user
If you're planning on using plain Debian and the challenges that come with it, you probably should start with one of the pre-built images from the Debian foundation. You can mount the root partition with either a running linux box or WSL2. Then you can chroot into it to setup the wpa_supplicant.conf in the /etc/ folder and ensble sshd.
Thats something like what I'll be trying. I am on a linux laptop so I can do all that.
Why not use Raspberry Pi OS? It's based off of Debian.
You could try this but instead of editing the required configs to enable ssh on your pi just stick it back in your pc and do it there. Haven't tested this myself but this is what I would try.
Do you mean to boot my PC from the SD card and do it all on there?
There should be a couple tutorials about how to establish a ssh connection to your pi. From there you can have root access and be able to do anything you want.
Edit: I reread your post.
Raspbian and debian are sufficiently similar, I would think the boot process and file structure is the same (I have only worked with Raspbian)
In Raspbian, I think ssh is disabled by default due to some security concerns with the default user "pi" password "raspberry". So changing the default value in the config text file and then connecting to ssh by finding the ip4v of the pi on your local network then connecting over the command line with "pi" then "raspberry" then changing the password before it is exposed to the internet is how you would do it.
Source: I had a pi 3b+ but it developed a short during the pi shortage and I haven't gotten around to fixing it.
Im sure theres a way to do it on debian and it might even be the same as on raspbian, but I just dont know what user I would use or exactly how to set everything up. An option is to boot into the SD card from my laptop and set everything up there before plugging it into the Pi.
I'm not sure that it can be done. Looking at https://linuxhint.com/install_debian_raspberry_pi_4/ it suggests the images on the debian site, come with a root user with no password, and SSH set to keybased auth. There isn't even any WiFi until you login and enable it.
Ill probably boot into the SD card from my laptop and set everything up like that before even putting it on the RPi
Yeah. I think the empty ssh file and wpa_supplicant stuff that Raspbian accepts in the root of the disk, is down to the nature of people setting up headless Raspberry Pi's frequently. Setting it up properly on a PC and then booting the Pi from it - is definitely the way to go.
I don't know about Pis, but before you host a mail server make sure that you know what you're doing. Your ISP probably blocks important ports, and hosting a Mailserver is a mess with DNS, dmarc and much more.
Source: I host my own Mailserver, would not recommend as a default option.
I'll definitely be running my regular email in parallel with my own server for a time. I for sure wont be deleting that straight away. At the very least its an experiment, and if it doesn't work out after 6 months to a year I can simply go back to my gmail, or look for different options.