this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2024
65 points (94.5% liked)

Mental Health

4269 readers
171 users here now

Welcome!

This is a safe place to discuss, vent, support, and share information about mental health, illness, and wellness.

Thank you for being here. We appreciate who you are today. Please show respect and empathy when making or replying to posts.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules

1-Posts promoting paid products and services of any kind are not allowed here.

2-All posts and comments must be helpful and supportive. Do not put vulnerable people at risk.

3-Do not DM or ask to speak privately to any of our members unless they specifically request it.

If a person from this community disturbs you in a comment, please report the comment. If you receive a DM you did not request, send a screenshot of the DM in a message to a moderator. This is a bannable offense.

4-Suicide, Self-Harm, Death-- Extended discussions are STRONGLY DISCOURAGED here. First, mods and community members are caring people, but not experts in crisis situations. Second, we want to avoid Lemmy becoming like many commercial social media platforms, where comments can snowball into counterproductive talk.

If you or someone you know needs more help than can be found here, please refer to the pinned resources.

If BRIEF mention of these topics is an important part of your post, please flag your post as NSFW and include a (trigger warning: suicide, self-harm, death, etc.)in the title so that other readers who may feel triggered can avoid it. Please also include a trigger warning on all comments mentioning these topics in a post that was not already tagged as such.

Partner Communities

- Therapy

Neurodegenerative Disease Support

ADHD

Autism

Fibromyalgia

TMJ

Chronic Pain

Bipolar Disorder

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Friends and Family of People with Addiction

To partner with our community and be included here, you are free to message the current moderators or comment on our pinned post.

Community Moderation

Some moderators are mental health professionals and some are not. All are carefully selected by the moderation team and will be actively monitoring posts and comments. If you are interested in joining the team, you can send a message to ZenGrammy for more information.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

Title says it, apparently i've been "too much" for them to handle (and i recognize i was quite the bag of rocks in 2021).

But these last two years everything had been just fine (i apologized for my misbehavior, i finally got a job), everything was going great.

But now they suddenly felt they've "changed and matured" (their words, not mine) and that somehow does not allow us to be friends any longer.

Any advice?

I feel i'm losing my head over this.

top 8 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] voracitude 70 points 7 months ago

That sucks, bud. Unfortunately literally the only thing to do is let it alone and move on with your life. If they get back in touch later, great, but otherwise they're now just some people you used to know.

[–] friend_of_satan 39 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

People are people, meaning everybody has their own thoughts and feelings. If you love them you'll respect them and give them space. You don't have to understand, you don't have to like it, and you can even be frustrated or angry. You can also continue to love them and miss what you had, and you can even reach out to them periodically and gently probe to see if they are ready to talk more about your differences and if they are open to mending the rift. But for now, give them space. Think of it like a trip where you are far apart and can't see each other and you are living your life as best you can. Think about yourself and the people who are willing to stand by you and enjoy who you are now. Be open to new friendships and new experiences, and look ahead.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

There's not much you can do to change the decisions they've made, but you can reflect on your decisions and see if you want to try to change anything about yourself.

I don't know what exactly you're referring to when you say "misbehavior," but sometimes the stank will never come off a relationship after that. Also, people grow and over time may naturally drift together or apart. Could be you're still "misbehaving" but aren't aware of it.

[–] KazuyaDarklight 23 points 7 months ago

Realistically SOL, move on. You can ask what you're doing that's objectionable but you need to be ready to hear it calmly and not try to fight/argue your case and that's hard to impossible for many. For that same reason it's a real crap shoot that they'll be willing to tell you. They don't want to get yelled at. IF they tell you, and IF you keep cool, then you decide if you want to change. It needs to be because you see value in it beyond the friends though because if you do, then try, but you still need to respect your friends and disengage. Just hope that they see the changes from afar and reach out. They may not. If you don't see intrinsic value/don't want to change, cool, move on.

[–] mojofrododojo 17 points 7 months ago

you can't force friendship. for whatever reason things changed, that's a fact now, and no reasoning or anguish will make them decide to reverse their course. replace them with better friends. easier said than done, but letting this eat your brain isn't a valid solution. moving on, is.

[–] JayBird76 17 points 7 months ago

I think it says a lot more about them than it does about you. I've had people who I thought were close friends turn out to be fake. It messes with your head and hurts like crazy, but you have to realize that it's about them and not you.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago

Thanks to all for your replies, seriously <3

I'll try my best to face forward and improve upon myself :)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

Find like 2 new hobbies, preferably either a hobby done in groups / causes social interactions, make new friends!

Itll be okay fam. 😁