this post was submitted on 06 May 2024
128 points (93.2% liked)

Asklemmy

42502 readers
1373 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I just got ghosted by the girl I was talking to, I want to find another girl to talk to. This girl and I met at the gym, but I don't want to be the guy that goes to the gym just to meet girls. I mean sure there's the bar and Tinder, but I want a real relationship. I mean, I guess it'll come to me.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Maybe a relationship will just come to you and maybe it won't. A lot of the advice you get in these kind of threads is like 'just be yourself' or 'don't be desperate' or 'be comfortable on your own' or whatever. None of that ever worked for me. I was never able to just be myself or be on my own without feeling lonely and desperate and that made me seem weird and off-putting to potential partners. Honestly it took recognizing my mental issues, getting serious about finding a solution to them, and working on them for a while before I was able to act like a normal human around someone I was attracted to. In the end what worked for me was a combination of Buddhist meditation and some kind of therapy. But everyone is different. YMMV.

On the other hand maybe you are perfectly comfortable in yourself, are handsome and charming, and have no trouble talking with women, but you just met some women with issues of their own. If so, just try to get out more and meet more people. In that case it's a numbers game and eventually you'll find the right one.

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

"Be yourself" is terrible advice. What they really mean is "Be the best version of yourself that makes you a great friendly person that people want to hang out with". This might mean trying to change yourself to be whatever you think the coolest version of you is. This is fine because it's a form of self-improvement.

[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

You can be single and still have lots of friends and socializing.