Autism

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BackOnMyBS

Being 'to negative' (midwest.social)

submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/autism

40 comments fedilink hide all child comments

So I'm a shut-in with a ton of problems and no money. My life revolves around World of Warcraft and Destiny 2 which is sad in its own right I'm sure. Anyway every single time I try to find a community (guild or clan) it goes to hell within a month or so. They always say I'm too negative about the game or my performance. No matter what I do/say it apparently always comes across as 'negative' and they see it as hurting their community. Funny enough these communities are always dead and I'm talking into a void trying to engage people.

Sorry I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Just had another group tell me I was getting kicked due to negativity and I'm so tired of it. I don't have any friends, I'm always starting over from scratch and even if I try my hardest it still ends the same way. Don't even feel that I'm being negative since I just say bugs me. Sorry. Feel like I could cry, because of everything, and I can't even do that.

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[–] PorradaVFR 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Your post touched me enough to respond, so yeah man even this total stranger gives a crap. It's hard to see that maybe, but I think most people would react positively if they thought others were receptive.

Basically if you put up a wall because you expect things to go poorly they put up theirs and it's hard to connect so it's a spiral. It took me a long time to realize that a simple gesture like “hey man cool T-shirt” to a stranger at work has helped me make connections. You share the game interest with them, bounce off that with a compliment or recognition and you'll find they may reciprocate.

You're guarding yourself, I get it…but the wall you build to shield yourself keeps others away as much as it keeps you in.

I hope this rambling makes some sense.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Putting up a wall isn't something I do typically. Basically when I go into a group or whatever I am myself because I can't really hide behind a fake persona or whatever anymore (for a number of reasons, not important here). When I've tried to be the person others expect they walk all over me or use me then toss me away. When I'm myself they reject me. So if I have a wall up it's not very high and definitely doesn't stay up. So I guess I don't get it. I try so hard and it always ends the same either way.

[–] PorradaVFR 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I don’t have any lightning bolt insights to share. Honestly it sounds like you’re doing a lot of what I might suggest - sharing something you enjoy with like minded others and being engaged in that community to try to make connections. Maybe you’re sensing more isolation than is really there?

Have you tired things like hiking or other sorts of outdoor activities offline where you might meet people? Local library events? Stuff like that?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Dunno. If something is going, say an event is coming up, I'd say 'hey anyone want to group up and do this? We can schedule a day/time even!' and literally no one would engage with it. So it was a lot of just talking to myself.

[–] PorradaVFR 1 points 8 months ago

I mean go anyway, if your online people won't or can't. At the least you do something or see something you like or might like (like an art museum, or cool park or event) and while there you'll be around like minded people and maybe click.

Worst case you saw that new place, discovered that thing or enjoyed a familiar event.

You have to keep putting yourself out there, hard as it is and frustrating and disappointing as it may be. Why? Because that's where what you want is.

When you do find it it will have been worth it.

I wish it was easier and that you were not struggling. Takes a tough soul to do so and admitting its hard takes guts. Give yourself credit for trying like hell.