this post was submitted on 11 Oct 2023
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Disclaimer: Not a woman, there might be a biological / hormonal aspect to this that only people can understand who've been through this. However, and this might be an unpopular opinion: The emotional pain associated with a(n early) miscarriage appears to be a sociologically constructed pain. If the people around us wouldn't make it a big deal, many would-be parents would also be less emotionally impacted by a miscarriage in the early months.
I am making this point from a "don't spend too much time suffering over issues that you have no influence over / things that already happened" perspective of mindfulness. When something has happened, fully accepting reality typically also means less emotional pain. I do not intend to invalidate anyone's pain who has lived through this or is living through it. If people feel they need to mourn, that is a valid desire. Still, I believe more people feel the pain due to how much of a big deal we make it.
It's similar to how children that hurt themselves are more likely to start crying when the adults around them are all acting shocked, because that makes the children think something is wrong.