Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sea_Equipment7904 on 2023-06-21 03:19:17+00:00.

I (F25) have been with my husband, B, (M25) for 3 years, married for 1. I get along well with his family, but his mom and one sister (F22) can be domineering. They hold & express ideas about how to live life, specific ways things need to be done, etc. Any other way is wrong to them. Def a point of frustration for me throughout the years (wedding planning & pregnancy) but when B or I have told them to back off, they’ve almost always done so. SIL is an RN and started working in L&D a month prior to my daughter’s birth.

I had a very healthy pregnancy that ended in unplanned home birth a week before my due date, while visiting his family. I woke at 3am with strong contractions and woke B who ran to get his car keys. I knew that I would not make it to the hospital. I got to the bathroom and was pantsless pulling towels under me. At this point his family is awake and following him in. He screamed at them to get more towels and I screamed at him to close the bathroom door, and he did.MIL comes with towels, then EVERYONE is coming into the bathroom while I’m buttass naked on my hands and knees in excruicating pain. I screamed at them to GTFO and was crying begging B to make them leave. B kicked them out, closed the door (not locked). MIL & SIL were banging on the door shouting that SIL needs to come in since she’s a nurse.I looked B in the eye and said if he lets anyone in before I said so, unless something started going wrong, I would seriously reconsider our marriage. He shouted at them to back off.Then I was crowning & whatever that looked like was enough for him to call in his sister, who left the door wide open for MIL to stand & watch my daughter come out of my vag as my husband caught her. Immediately SIL is grabbing at my baby, I’m shooing her hands away to hold my crying infant while screaming at my husband to get her out. He eventually kicked her out bc I couldn’t stop screaming.FIL had called 911 and they arrived within 10mins of her birth. Paramedics came in & cut the umbilical cord and let me birth the placenta. In the moments I had to sit, process, & hold my daughter before we had to go on the ambulance, B opened the door for MIL to come in & start gawking and poking at the baby.

I know B was in a panic when he shouted for his sister to come in. But not with his mom. I really want to give him grace for this espeically since he did also stood up to them and I understand his stress was high as well. I’m just having a really difficult time emotionally coping with what went down the night of my daughter’s birth and my trust is severely and likely irreparably damaged. I told him that I meant what I said that night and he was shocked.

My daughter and I have been staying with my mom and B comes to see her almost daily. I agreed to counseling and we made an appointment but they’re booked months out so it’s not until September. B is devastated. His family is telling me he didn't know my "threat" was serious bc I was in labor.AITA?

ETA clarity:

• I love my husband and don't want to get divorced, but I cannot make myself magically feel secure around him again either after this traumatic experience. I am really hoping that counseling helps in that regard.

• SIL left the door open during my birth, not my husband. MIL and SIL have been telling people the story of my birth, graphically, ever since.

• When my MIL came in the bathroom after my birth, it was because my husband opened the door specifically to let her in. He did not accidentally leave any doors open. It was me, him, and a paramedic in the bathroom with the door closed, he was sitting against the wall with me when his mother came to the door and called out to him to let her in. He got up, opened the door for her, and moved out of the way so she could enter.

• I am not restricting his access to her while we are living separately. He lives one block away from my mom's house and is welcome to come and go at will. I'm breastfeeding and she currently won't accept bottles. I am actively working to get her to consistently accept bottles so that he can take her for longer periods and overnights.