I'm feeling a lot of feelings and need to vent, so my apologies if this ends up being a little scatterbrained.
I'm a security guard in a purple city/red state, and I'm working an event tonight at a church. 3 hours into my shift, I've accepted that I'll have to go to the bathroom at some point.
I'm tall (over 6ft/180cm), over weight, bad hairline, and the only obviously feminine shape I have is boobs (which are squished into a sports bra and not very visible).
Package all this in a polo shirt and black cargo pants... I've gotten "maam'd" -twice- in the 1.5 years I've been working this job.
So, after 3 hours of deliberating, I decided to trade some of my dignity for safety and just use the mens room. I'd already been misgendered, so I felt it was the best option...
I go into the mens room, take care of business (in a stall), and as I'm washing my hands, this guy comes in, sees me and says "am I in the wrong place??" as he walks back out to check the sign on the door. I told him no, I don't think so and just got the fuck out as fast as possible.
There was no confrontation and I didn't feel unsafe, though now I'm worried about a complaint (which I was also trying to avoid), and now I'm too nervous to use either one next time I have to pee... I can't win. And I feel like my spent dignity got me nothing but frustration and a possible complaint.
I won't lie, there was some validation in the whole thing, but it was tainted by the frustration of feeling like there's no place in the world for me and the desire to just hide myself away from it all...
Aw, I’m sorry that happened - well I’m a cis guy and hate to say it but if I saw someone fem in a men’s restroom I’d probably react similarly tbh. We’re dumb monkeys and we just naturally see ‘other human’ and make snap perceptions that are often thrown way off by transitioning folks.
Bet you they were wrapped up in some other stupid thought line as they walked to the restroom and were entirely in their own head and suddenly like “oh shit a girl, wrong bathroom!”
Honestly I can’t tell you what they in particular were thinking but I’d say it’s probably 50-50 whether they even remember it. Probably just like oh that was weird that my radar failed, oh well. Or maybe like why was that girl in the men’s when there’s no line?
Despite what the screeching minority thinks, most people don’t actually care what restroom you use. We especially don’t care if women use the men’s - I’ve (usually drunkenly, tbf) been in so many places where there’s a line for the women’s and not the men’s and women will use the men’s instead, nobody has ever given a single solitary fuck.
You got clocked as a girl despite not trying to present as fem. I’d call it a win. 🥇 💜
One last thing, if you’re worried about a complaint: Realistically, if you were born masc and someone gives you shit for using the men’s, just tell them you haven’t had bottom surgery (not assuming whether you have, but lie if you have), they’ll shut the fuck up real quick.
Definitely a win in the end, lol. Thanks =)
No complaints yet, btw. At least none that I've heard about!
Glad to hear it! Hope you’re doing well, and happy visibility day! 💜🏳️⚧️