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When would you let go? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 10 months ago by wintermutehal to c/[email protected]

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Hey all! This may be kind of a dumb post as I know I need to make this decision myself, but I‘d sure love some advice. My oldest dog is 11, going on 12. The poor girl is diabetic, blind, has fatty lipomas, and mobility issues due to diabetes, breed, and age. This morning, we are fairly sure she had a stroke of some sort (the vet agrees with this diagnosis so far, blood work and an X-ray are incoming). She eats but doesn’t really want to get up much, and is generally just resting most of the day. She still has a bit of sparkle in her eyes but she doesn’t really seem to have much energy left. The vet hasn’t mentioned it, but I‘m pretty sure it’s about time to say goodbye. The most important thing to my partner and I is that once she’s suffering, it’s time to let go. She just ate a nice full dinner but still doesn’t want to get up and do much. How long would you give her? Till she’s not eating? The vet hasn’t brought it up yet, so maybe I should be patient, but she’s been such a good friend, I don’t want her to suffer. I’m just at a loss, and this is the first time I‘ve had to do this horrible calculus.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 10 months ago (2 children)

The most important thing to my partner and I is that once she’s suffering, it’s time to let go.

IMO, this is key.

I've had a number of dogs over the years. My philosophy has always been that my fundamental goal is to try to ensure that they each have as many good days as possible. So once my dog stops having good days and starts having only bad days, that's when it's time. The good days that you gave your dog will always remain, nothing can change history.

If you misjudge slightly and there's a few extra bad days at the end that in hindsight you could have avoided, don't beat yourself up over that. We're not perfect beings and mistakes happen. Talking with the vet will probably help in that department, they are far more experienced with this kind of thing and so will likely be able to give you a better "feel" for what state things are in.

[–] wintermutehal 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I really appreciate you. This is one of the hardest days in recent memory, but this baby deserves to go before it gets even worse. I think I’m leaning towards having one more weekend with her, then making that hard call. I really appreciate your empathy, and the last thing I want is to make her hold on and deal with pain on my account. Love to you as well.

[–] fleabomber 4 points 10 months ago

We just lost our sweet old boy this last Tuesday morning. I keep beating myself up over the timing of everything, treatment we decided not to do and, ultimately, deciding to bring him home to be with family for the last night vs just putting him down. I appreciate the advice given by Facedeer. So sorry you're going through this.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I know it might not mean much, but I, a random stranger an unknown distance from you couldn’t help but tear up a little at how much you love her.

She will feel that love until the end, and that love will not fade from your heart. Cherish it, and hold on to it. Even the pain you’re going to feel is just a manifestation of that love.

For what’s it worth, I’m here if you need to talk.

[–] wintermutehal 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Thank you so much, bud! Sorry it’s a late reply, my Lemmy app was on the fritz, but I really appreciate your kind words. The good news is she’s doing much better for now, and we have the info on when we should think about letting go.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

All good! I’m glad you’re working through it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This is so important. It's about quality of life. When that's gone, it's time. If the vet is any good, they'll answer this for you: do they think the pet is suffering? It can be really helpful in alleviating guilt that it was "too soon."

Where I differ from your perspective is that I will always choose "a little soon" over "a little late." This is borne out of personal experiences - watching a pet obviously suffer until we could get a vet appointment is among the most traumatizing thing I've gone through. Even one day can be too much. For us, it's cats, and they can go downhill pretty quickly, so for dogs it might be different.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

I'm not saying that we should choose "a little late." I'm saying that it's almost certainly going to happen, because humans aren't gods that can see the future and know when it is a little late. I'm saying that when that happens we shouldn't beat ourselves up over it, it's just a mistake and mistakes happen. The good days we gave our dogs are the important things to remember and focus on.