this post was submitted on 23 Jan 2024
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RaisedByNarcissists: for the children of abusive parents

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"I'd rather adjust my life to your absence than adjust my boundaries to your disrespect" (self.raisedbynarcissists)
submitted 9 months ago by aclarke to c/[email protected]
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I heard this quote recently and it really resonated with me. I went no contact with my family 3 years ago and I have enough distance now that I've grown around the pain enough to be less destabilized when I miss them. But even though I miss them and struggle to fully understand that feeling sometimes, I know that if I were to ever give them another chance, this quote will live in my head to help guide the conversations and aid my judgement.

This helped me detect that I was changing my boundaries when trying to please someone recently. That tipped me off to recognizing I was people pleasing and they were toxic.

Not sure if this will help anyone else but it definitely resonated with me and helped to keep in the back of my mind as I still struggle to learn to have healthy boundaries.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

This is very true. You sow the seeds and later get the benefits and confidence. My sister's and I finally figured out that the father that raised us and protected us is a weak, vain hypocrite that takes all his emotional cues from his wife. My dead mother was far smarter, more compassionate ... I realised this in adulthood.

Life is a shit show with a thousand setbacks and blows to confidence, insecurity. But I'm pleased that my idiot dad and his judgemental megalomaniac bitch wife of 15 years aren't calling me up to fuck with me (or tell my sister how little she's achieved (with his criticism and absence of financial help).

The other day I even came to terms with not attending his funeral - you really don't have to feel guilty. Whatever separation you feel is necessary will be necessary.

[โ€“] Captain_Waffles 8 points 9 months ago

The other day I even came to terms with not attending his funeral - you really don't have to feel guilty. Whatever separation you feel is necessary will be necessary.

I feel this. Deciding I don't want to go to my parents eventual funerals made me feel like a horrible little kid at first, but then I reminded myself they don't run my life and I can do what's best for me.