Addroran

A while ago Ns gave me a farewell email i think. I don't read their emails, but the header looked like that and I accidentally read part of the header. I didn't reply.

Since then, they've been spamming me like every other day, and i've replied to none of it.

They filed a missing person report. Popo called me and told me to come down to the station. I went over the police station, showed popo ID to prove i'm not missing. It wasn't too annoying, if nothing else, it's much less annoying to talk to an officer than my Ns.

I've been belittled by an officer previously over not talking with Ns. I just made up some nonsense until the popo was satisfied.

Popo; "Why did they file a missing person report?"

me; "they're racist towards the person i'm dating and it's retaliation"

Cross posting to the rbn community on Lemmy too

clearly state your case once and then leave it at that. If the narcissist doesn’t accept it and persists, walk away

Why are we arguing with someone who’s determined to see you as the cause of everything that’s wrong in their life?

X will reach out due to being concerned. X wastes a lot of time pretending to not be 100% on Nparent's side, then tells me to go back to them for more abuse.

I get drained if I spend too much time with someone negative. With less eye contact, I hold up better it seems.

I was housed recently. Lost my place and my Npartner. Had to move back in with Nparents. Npartner was bad, but Nparents are a whole other level of bad. I was in jail for 1 day. Nparents are comparably bad as the jail. The jail didn't allow me to use my prescription meds and confined me. Npartner was more about the silence treatment and immense passive aggression.

Nparents, I have some freedom of movement, but:

severely limited freedom of movement (I'm 30, have to ask permission, permission which may be arbitrarily withheld, not allowed to use public transport (I can’t drive, disability), have to sneakily use meds, constant insults, fat shaming (my bmi is 20), being told everyone they know hates me, constant threats of being evicted, threatening to call cops on me, pretty limited food despite there being enough food in the house, not allowed to go to food bank, soup kitchen, have previously thrown away my meds, trying to discourage me from having privacy, constant worry about the internet/electronics being monitored, strict speaking requirements when I’m near them, many banned conversation topics, dress code, strong discouragement of contact with friends/extended family, enforced eating etiquette, not allowed to displays symptoms of my disability (when it acts up, I’m required to try to hide it – then they later chastise me by saying ‘see, i told you, you have no symptoms), prohibiting anti-perspirant, required to ‘cleaning’ my armpits multiple times per day with some kind of chemical that burns, threats of being forced to wax my armpits (i’m a male), prohibited from doing calming activities like meditation, requirement to be ‘productive’, constantly told I’m not productive, requirement to agree with them in ‘conversation’ when they are mocking homeless/minorities/disabled people, disallowing me to use accessibility devices, the fact that they freely walk into 'my' room regardless of whether or not i'm changing (was sexually assaulted by them previously), Nbrother has previously approached my friends to try to turn them against me, and more.

Nmom occasionally pretends to be understanding. I spoke to her about living in a homeless shelter and just storing my stuff at her house. Thoroughly chastised.

All of this is 1 week in. I'm definitely going to be evicted from here. Nmom is very unhappy that I receive welfare and has already begun taking action to cause financial dependence on her. Any advice here? I plan to refuse to voluntarily give access to my bank account or my electronics - I plan to change majors passwords every week. She will demand control over my finances, it has happened in the past.

Nparents definitely causes fleas. When I’m out and about it’s much harder to talk to randoms like cashiers. When I speak to someone and they’re not mean to me, I’m surprised the whole time. The whole Nparent experience strongly encourages some kind of mutism.

They'd asked 'why didn't you do that?' I'd explain, then get in even more trouble for explaining. I thought they wanted an answer? Am i suppose to just say nothing?

Me: do you think they're justified, both Nparents, in banning me from communicating with you (FM uncle)?

The reply:

They were still and always will be your parents, and I the doting uncle.. But some, seem threatened by this. I have done no harm to either of your parents. In fact your Mom had resumed communicating with me from March last year, ever since Nana came to live with me.
Perhaps they have offered their reasons to you, for this banning.

My other sisters have adult kids with whom I communicate almost daily.

Seems your parents became unhappy when I did not inform them that you were communicating with me, over element.
Naturally, I wanted to assist you as best as possible by even inviting you to come to brazil. I'm flummoxed really with their attitude.

Now that you back home, I hope that all the necessary steps are taken to get your place back.

Mom is no longer communicating with me, in fact she has attempted to vilify me with the rest of my family, here in brazil... they have no desire to heed her wishes to end our strong relationship

Some analysis; notice how in his whole reply, he sorta addressed my original question, but he doesn't directly and sorta beats around the bush. He throws in a 'They were still and always will be your parents'. This, 'now that you're back home, your [...] safe', couldn't be less true, and they should know that based on my previous complaints.

Sandy (Ngrandma) declares that the next time her grandchildren come over she's going to reiterate the house rules, point out the two rules plaques she already has up, and put up another ten. The other members cheer her on. Much later, her granddaughter chooses a university she would need to drive to, instead of getting a ride with her mother. Sandy demands to have input into her granddaughter's school choice before she'll hand over the promised money. One of the commenters escalates with a proposed plan of action so long that it spans two screens. The gist of it is that Sandy is correct to take a hard line with her entitled "pissant of a GD," and should give her granddaughter the money only if the girl agrees to get a technical or nursing degree and presents her GPA to Sandy for approval. Sandy should keep the money in her own name, refuse to pay for books and supplies in order to keep her granddaughter frugal, and send funds directly to the school rather than allowing any to pass through her granddaughter's hands. It's an extraordinary demonstration of punitive control over a girl who insists upon choosing her own university. The other members agree that it's an excellent scheme, and Sandy resolves to put it into action.

from http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/estranged-parents-confront-reasons.html