this post was submitted on 16 Jan 2024
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In real life what "respectful manner" is becomes a matter of whether another person (and their friends) likes you or not. Sometimes retroactive.
I don't like this attribution of some kind of affinity to justice to "people" or "men" or "women" or whatever. "People" are a rather cruel and fallacious substance most of the time.
Also jerks and incels may be that not entirely through their own fault. There may be wrong upbringing, or some trauma, which others consciously or unconsciously trigger, or whatever else, humans are complex and putting labels in such a way is disgusting.
Incel is an abbreviation of involuntary celibate. It is 100 % a self proclaimed title from the word "involuntary". I am merely categorizing those that label themselves as such to be often having a distorted view on sex and women. None of this was a philosophical debate on the existence of evil and my point was clearly defined: Timid, kind people should be a little bolder. Everyone should be mindful of other people's boundaries.
Only when it's used to refer to yourself, and when you use it to refer to others, it's not self-proclaimed.
Ah, so you mean literal members of that subculture. When you say "incels and jerks" it may really seem like it was used in a wider meaning. OK, I have no more questions on incels.
And my point was that boundaries are never that clearly defined. Socialized people work with them on instinct, others can't do that.
In general we usually don't see what we consider a given, and so our advice to people lacking it is useless.
If you are wondering what's the emotional reason of me participating in this thread (despite everything, I've not been an incel literally, and everyone has been a jerk), it's the contempt for unhappy people. That it was expressed for only some of them and not all doesn't change the essence.
This is a valid point. Some on the autism spectrum, for example, have difficulties due to lack of this instinct.
This is also true, but not so much a problem. Everyone is bound to overstep at some point. However, that is most likely going to yield a negative response from the other person, and it is actually somewhat their responsibility to express this plainly. Where jerks and unaware people diverge in action is how they respond to being made aware. Say sorry and not push further and you are in the clear.
I will admit there is a little bit of a problem with a supreme narrative based on personal experience if applied indiscriminately in every context. However, as long as it is confined to one's own body, it is perfectly fine since everyone should have their bodily autonomy respected and thus their experience is the supreme narrative in this instance always.
There are training one can do if one lacks social intuitition and basic rules like do not touch at spots other than briefly on shoulders etc. without consent. I have lots of sympathy for all those who struggle socially, but do not see laxing on demanding respect for others as being helpful in any way. I would also speak up if someone ridiculed a nice person for being just awkward, but that is not the issue discussed here.
Yeah, I didn't mean anything like touching others without consent. I don't think we disagree in anything significant.