Autism

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BackOnMyBS

difference between a statement and a complaint? (self.autism)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by wellee to c/autism

19 comments fedilink hide all child comments

What is the difference between a complaint and a statement? If theres anyone with a better set of social skills here to help a dude out lol

Ie when you're chilling watching TV and somebody asks you to go out, but you respond with no thanks, I'm tired. Would stating you're tired be considered a complaint?

Just had a similar action with an NT friend, who says I complain about being tired a lot. When I look back and I never bring it up unprompted, and they comment on my mood so i tell them whats up.. is there some social thing which simply stating you feel negative is seen as a complaint?

Edit: thanks so much for all the comments! I should have been more specific, the examples I gave were not my actual experiences. In fact if I were to be more specific, it's my roommate that made me think about this, and they never want to go out lol. But I can still gain some insight from the comments! But it was much more generalized. Actual interaction: we are going about our day and my roommate casually asks "hey how are ya" and I respond "a bit tired!" And they remark on how I complain about being tired a lot. Which surprised me because I was answering their question, and not getting long winded into it. Then it dawned on me maybe simply stating I feel negative is seen as a complaint by people. Iunno.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

I think some of the comments here are missing a really important point - existing in a NT world is exhausting and it's valid and important for you to be tired and want to rest. Personally, I try to only have people around me who understand that, I see no point getting stressed about complying with "social expectations" and what someone else thinks of my needs.

(and to be clear, of curse there is room for compromise and communication, but if after explaining the other person still doesn't get that you need more downtime and that you're not complaining but rather stating matter of fact, and they keep taking it personally and making it about them, are they really accepting you for who you are? Isn't that what friendship should be?)