Autism

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difference between a statement and a complaint? (self.autism)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by wellee to c/autism

19 comments fedilink hide all child comments

What is the difference between a complaint and a statement? If theres anyone with a better set of social skills here to help a dude out lol

Ie when you're chilling watching TV and somebody asks you to go out, but you respond with no thanks, I'm tired. Would stating you're tired be considered a complaint?

Just had a similar action with an NT friend, who says I complain about being tired a lot. When I look back and I never bring it up unprompted, and they comment on my mood so i tell them whats up.. is there some social thing which simply stating you feel negative is seen as a complaint?

Edit: thanks so much for all the comments! I should have been more specific, the examples I gave were not my actual experiences. In fact if I were to be more specific, it's my roommate that made me think about this, and they never want to go out lol. But I can still gain some insight from the comments! But it was much more generalized. Actual interaction: we are going about our day and my roommate casually asks "hey how are ya" and I respond "a bit tired!" And they remark on how I complain about being tired a lot. Which surprised me because I was answering their question, and not getting long winded into it. Then it dawned on me maybe simply stating I feel negative is seen as a complaint by people. Iunno.

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[–] withabeard 7 points 10 months ago

"being tired" is a legitimate reason to not want to hang out, it is also an easy excuse with no descernable evidence. Used once it's believable, used lots of times it starts to "feel" like a fake excuse or even a lie.

If your friend thinks you complain about being tired a lot, they are (very likely) trying to say that you're not putting the effort into the friendship they believe they deserve out if you.

As has been said in other comments, it might help to give examples of times where you'll be less tired. Or just invite that friend out at those times.

A friendship dies take effort from both people to maintain. Breaking your cosy sofa time is effort, but if the friend means enough to you then you will sometimes make that effort to see them.