this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2024
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difference between a statement and a complaint? (self.autism)
submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by wellee to c/autism
19 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

What is the difference between a complaint and a statement? If theres anyone with a better set of social skills here to help a dude out lol

Ie when you're chilling watching TV and somebody asks you to go out, but you respond with no thanks, I'm tired. Would stating you're tired be considered a complaint?

Just had a similar action with an NT friend, who says I complain about being tired a lot. When I look back and I never bring it up unprompted, and they comment on my mood so i tell them whats up.. is there some social thing which simply stating you feel negative is seen as a complaint?

Edit: thanks so much for all the comments! I should have been more specific, the examples I gave were not my actual experiences. In fact if I were to be more specific, it's my roommate that made me think about this, and they never want to go out lol. But I can still gain some insight from the comments! But it was much more generalized. Actual interaction: we are going about our day and my roommate casually asks "hey how are ya" and I respond "a bit tired!" And they remark on how I complain about being tired a lot. Which surprised me because I was answering their question, and not getting long winded into it. Then it dawned on me maybe simply stating I feel negative is seen as a complaint by people. Iunno.

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[–] Tarquinn2049 11 points 10 months ago

Despite the specific choice of words, they could very easily just mean you "say/reply" that you are tired alot. Most people don't use words as literally as we do, and don't try to find the exact word to convey what they specifically mean in the instance.

Their focus is more on how consistently you are tired when they want to hang out with you, not that you are "complaining" about it.

It might be worth expanding on why and when you are tired, and what times or situations you would be less likely to be tired in/at.

NT people also will generally use "tired" as a generic excuse and not specifically mean they don't have the physical/mental energy to enjoy that activity currently. So they might be interpreting your use of it through that lens as well.

It is pretty tough to figure out what they mean sometimes since words are only a small part of their communication, there is usually much more context to how they said it, or what they were doing with the rest of their body when they said it.

Over time, and with practice, NT people get better at communicating with us, and we get better at communicating with them. But by default there can be alot of miscommunication. And most NT people don't like the sorts of long winded explanations we like to expound to make sure we have communicated effectively, rather than having lost something in the translation.

It might be best to ask them as casually as possible for a bit more information. Sometimes if they are in the mood for it, they will be ok with awkward exchanges like that. And if you want them to be a long-term friend, and they also want to be a long-term friend of yours, talks like that might help.