this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2024
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difference between a statement and a complaint? (self.autism)
submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by wellee to c/autism
19 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

What is the difference between a complaint and a statement? If theres anyone with a better set of social skills here to help a dude out lol

Ie when you're chilling watching TV and somebody asks you to go out, but you respond with no thanks, I'm tired. Would stating you're tired be considered a complaint?

Just had a similar action with an NT friend, who says I complain about being tired a lot. When I look back and I never bring it up unprompted, and they comment on my mood so i tell them whats up.. is there some social thing which simply stating you feel negative is seen as a complaint?

Edit: thanks so much for all the comments! I should have been more specific, the examples I gave were not my actual experiences. In fact if I were to be more specific, it's my roommate that made me think about this, and they never want to go out lol. But I can still gain some insight from the comments! But it was much more generalized. Actual interaction: we are going about our day and my roommate casually asks "hey how are ya" and I respond "a bit tired!" And they remark on how I complain about being tired a lot. Which surprised me because I was answering their question, and not getting long winded into it. Then it dawned on me maybe simply stating I feel negative is seen as a complaint by people. Iunno.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

So I'm going to answer very literally because, well, look where we are: a complaint is simply a type of statement, and it's a necessary part of healthy communication.

If you say you're tired, and you mean it as something you wish weren't true, then that's a kind of complaint.

But also, I think our society has maligned the concept of a complaint and loaded it with baggage that it doesn't deserve. I think "stop complaining" is weaponised by people in power to prevent having to address people's needs, because "my needs aren't met" is a kind of complaint. It just also happens to be absolutely necessary to complain of something in order to fix the problem. This negative attitude towards complaint gets internalised by everyone to some degree.

So your friend might have some of these attitudes without understanding that they are problematic.

Also, you might be tired a lot, particularly of going out, because having to mask is a pretty big burden. If you can explain this to your friend and they can accept it, it might help you develop some kind of shorthand for the issue so you don't feel like you have to justify it in their terms from first principles every time. Maybe you can get some help from them, maybe they can find ways to reduce the burden, like maybe they can interact with cashiers for you, or something like that, or they can simply adjust their expectations of how much or how often you want to spend time out of the house.