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this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2024
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Asklemmy
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What you are trying to do falls loosely under cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), doing some research on that might help you tunnel down to something useful and actionable for you.
For myself, I use compartmentalisation. Effectively stick it in a mental box. My brain will periodically/randomly pull it out to play with. When this happens I ask myself 3 questions.
Do I have the time/mental resources to deal with this.
Can I gain any new understanding by going back over it.
Do I gain anything by hanging on to it?
The first is to effectively let you put it off. You can tell your subconscious you can deal with it at a better time.
The second is stripping the meat from the bones. If you were taken advantage of, how do you protect against it? If the situation occurred again, what would you do differently? You won't get everything at once, it takes time to find all the improvements.
The last is the kicker. What do you still gain? If you still have lessons to learn, that fine. If it will be actionable, keep wary. Eventually though, you'll find there is nothing left of value to gain, and it's become redundant. Stick it back in its box. Eventually your subconscious will get bored bring it up to the same, unemotional, results and it will fade. It might crop up later, if a new situation arises, or new information becomes relevant.
The goal of this is to strip the event of its value, and discard the rest. E.g. your old boss in the example, do you honestly care enough to want to put effort into any sort of revenge or retaliation. Likely no, it's not worth the costs. Can you learn anything more from the situation? How do you spot people like him in the future? What would you do differently? What landmines did you step on, and how can you avoid them in the future. Once you have all this stripped out, the remaining anger will become hollow and fade. There will be nothing worth the effort of being angry.
This whole process takes time to both learn and apply. It's worth putting the effort in, however. You'll still feel the anger, but you can consume it, rather than letting it consume you.