this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2024
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My wife thinks she knows what I’m going to say all the time, and she’s often wrong.
Assuming she has adhd, maybe she just could use some meds to help her tame her mind and just listen. But even off meds, if I was demonstrably wrong at a high frequency, that fact would at least leave me reserving my speculations on your point until I was more sure, or till you fully explained it.
She doesn’t. She’s as neurotypical as they come. I’m the ND one, in a way that makes me a bit of a slow talker.
My first draft of that comment was a bit ruder and put the blame on you talking slow… shoulda gonna with that one. Damn.
Not a problem, I didn't take any offense or perceive any ill will or anything. I don't know you, you don't know me, in the context of the conversation, your comment was completely appropriate. I should have been clearer in the first comment I made, but I am still waiting for coffee to catch up with me.
I think the larger point I was thinking of was that "finishing someone else's thought" is not only a ADHD or ND thing. I know that when my wife either finishes my thought directly, or interrupts to respond to what she predicted my thought for me, and she's wrong, it is extremely frustrating, causing me much consternation. I know she's only trying to be helpful, but in the moment, my expressions are obvious. Then she feels like "we were just having a conversation, and now you're angry and I didn't do anything." The fact that she is able to put together cogent thoughts into spoken words much more quickly than I can escalates the pace, too, to a point where I can feel like I'm barely able to keep up as the train crests a hill, I'm trying to keep up and put on the brakes at the same time, and I don't know how steep the other side is. It can feel like I'm about to fall off a cliff, and the lizard brain reacts in fight/flight/freeze mode.
Wow. That kind of makes more sense of all that than I've ever really been able to put together before. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Good Ted talk, thanks 👏👏👏
But also, I’d be careful when bringing up the whole “X isn’t just an ADHD thing” thing… because it’s true for almost every single aspect, the whole point is that we have issues X,Y,Z to the degree that it has significant negative effects on our lives. Dismissing issues as “not just adhd” undermines the seriousness of ADHD which is already chronically underrated as a disability. (I’ll take suggestions for alternative wordings to “underrated as a disability”)
Oh sure sure - I did not intend to minimize ADHD in any way. I was just thinking about my situation where the "finishing thoughts" effect was related to a different kind of neurodivergency. My aim was to be more inclusive, not less.
maybe you should say it differently then