this post was submitted on 14 Dec 2023
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Autism

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A community for respectful discussion and memes related to autism acceptance. All neurotypes are welcome.

We have created our own instance! Visit Autism Place the following community for more info.

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We’re autistic, and one of the characteristics of being autistic is that we feel things deeply. On the positive side, when we are happy, we feel immense joy compared to others. On the negative side, we feel painful emotions more strongly than others as well. Because of this, many of us have been invalidated, insulted, or pushed away when all we were wanting was to share what we were going through and get support. Maybe even a really tight hug and someone telling us that it makes sense that we feel that way.

While we can’t give hugs, we can help each other by sharing our pain and having others help us through it. So here is that post. What’s bothering you? Why? Tell us.

Note 1: Sort by New to see the most recent posts.

Note 2: This post in particular will be especially moderated in terms of trolling, abusive, derogatory, offensive, disrespectful, invalidating, accusatory, or antagonizing responses to a user's pain. If your response is removed by mods, but you think you make a valid point, try rephrasing it in a compassionate manner that is not dismissing or accusatory.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (12 children)

Firstly, I want to say that this has nothing to do with things I said recently in the age limit thread; these are things I've been worried about for a while now. Basically, some things are really bothering me right now.

  1. I've been increasingly annoyed at the double standards of rules. The thing where the rules clearly say one thing, yet everyone looks the other way unless people draw explicit negative attention to themselves. In many cases I like that they aren't being as strict with rules as they say they are (because the rules as written kinda suck). But for the love of god, please just say what the actual rules are.
  2. I'm getting really worried about a hypothetical situation that I feel could be disastrous for me. It's very unlikely to play out how I think it will in my head, but it's possible. All the anxiety cocktails in my brain are burning away hyperfocusing on it.
  3. Could we please, as a society, just stop all the fear and stigma around sex and sexuality? Like... Just stop.
  4. I'm nearly thirty and haven't been in a relationship yet. I spend basically all my time indoors talking to the same few people and posting angry rants on social media. I'm now not in anywhere near a good enough mental state to go out and talk to people.
  5. Probably other stuff. I have a lot of issues.

But yeah, I've been in a bad headspace this past few months and I don't feel I have good enough coping mechanisms. Spent the past few weeks trying to set up some coping mechanisms with a counsellor. Been feeling a lot like I'm repeatedly burning out, over and over, by worrying and stressing about things.

I don't feel like my issues are anywhere near as serious as other people's, but it's really messing me up just the same. ;_;

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (3 children)
  1. I'm nearly thirty and haven't been in a relationship yet. I spend basically all my time indoors talking to the same few people and posting angry rants on social media. I'm now not in anywhere near a good enough mental state to go out and talk to people.

I feel this. I'm 28 years old and haven't even held hands with a woman. It sucks and takes a huge toll on your psyche, because everywhere you look in the world there are people happy in relationships and it just makes you feel worthless when you've gone so long in your life without experiencing that.

That being said, a bunch of stuff happened to me in the past couple months and right now I'm feeling tantalizingly close to actually having a relationship with a woman. I don't want to jinx it, but I went on a very promising first date last week (the second first date I've been on in my life), and have the second date with the same woman tomorrow night. And between then and now she has been texting me a bunch and I get the impression that she is interested in pursuing something serious with me.

Not trying to flex or anything, just wanted to let you know that things can change quickly. If someone told me in September that I'd be in the situation I'm in now, I would have probably gotten mad at them for lying to me in such a patronizing way. Life is weird like that.

If you have any questions or want any advice, I can maybe provide. I think I've really had my eyes opened in the last couple of months to the tools needed to climb out of that hole, though I don't know your situation.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I mentioned this elsewhere, but one thing that really made me more optimistic is seeing a lot of people here casually mention having partners, or even NT folks posting asking for advice for their autistic partners. For me though, firstly I think I should focus on getting my mental state in a good enough place that I can socialise properly and not be anxious all the time.

Congrats on finding someone though, I hope it works out.

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