this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2023
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Autism
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Well, the thing asked in the experiment... I would never answer with my personal info (name, age, where I live, what I do), I consider that irrelevant. I would say exactly what an autistic person would say, just elaborate what I like and what makes me happy... or sad.
Plus, I am kinda weird...I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I've tried, but some things from some social groups are completely unacceptable for me. I'm consudered rude and durect, even though what I say is completely true. I have friends (not a lot though... used to have more) and they know me and know how I am and we get along just fine. I am an outgoing person, but people usually react in 2 extremes with me - they either love me or don't like me at all... which is fine, I don't take it to heart or anythig. Also, some of my friends have described me as cold, which can't be further from the truth, I feel so so much, I just have a hard time explaining what I feel, cuz most of the time the emotions are so overwhelming or so mixed that I just don't know how to react, so I just... freeze... I guess that seems like I don't feel anything. Other times, I deliberately shield myself from feeling anything about a certain bad story, cuz I know ho much it might hurt, so I just throw dismissing comments at the story - "oh well, that's life I guess", stuff like that. It's a coping mechanism, I know, but if I do otherwise, I might feel depressed for days. I can also drift away with thoughts quite often and sometimes, you litelarly have to snap at me to get me back. I'm good at what I do, but I can only do 1 thing at a time. I have been training myself to pay attention at multiple things at the same time, but I haven't gotten past 2. I trained myself mostly because of my kid, when I have to pay and watch him at the store, or make converstation with a parrent at the playground, but watch him at the same time. Still 2 is very hard, it takes a lot of energy from me, I feel so exhausted afterwards.
Sounds like you should start with some evaluation. Either with a mental health specialist (psychotherpist or psychiatrist) or on your own first if that is easier.
It can be multiple different things, autism being one of them. Important is to not jump to conclusions and write down your findings, maybe talk to people you trust who are reflected (important, others might deter you).
Finding out helps shape your life into a non threatening thing. I speak from experience here. I used to have regular panic attacks, constant sweaty hands and stomach ache and thought this was normal.
I can’t point out enough how important it is to find out the reason for your bad experiences and stressful situations.
You are absolutely right! I have a psychiatrist, but maybe I should see a psychologist as well 🤔? I'm also on antidepressants, perscribed by the psychiatrist. They're not really strong, but still, I needed them. There was a time when I had the worst insomnia, staying awake for days at a time, then comatosing for 12, 14 hours.
Anyhow, I will mist definitely talk with someone who might diagnose (partially at least) why I am like I am.
Thank you! ☺️
Sounds like you know the way. Good luck! :) feel free to update.