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why do i constantly oscillate between having an a) intense work ethic where i consistently work hard and manage money wisely or b) pure gluttony and hedonism where i spend freely and accumulate debt (self.personalfinance)

submitted 1 year ago by _number8_ to c/[email protected]

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when i do A for long enough and my overall net worth comes close enough to zero, i switch to B and am only sometimes capable of wrangling it in

it seems impossible to actually have a balance - those two philosophies make the most sense (trying hard vs nothing matters)

whyyyy. furthermore, are there any good ways to manage this that aren’t sort of self-flagellating or overly concerned with minutia (ie like the YNAB thing). no cult stuff pls

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Honestly? Maybe try shifting what hedonism looks like for you. Eating out, camp fires, hanging out at the bar just eating and people-watching(nevermind intermittently becoming absorbed in the garbage that's usually on the TVs), ...

... and of course a bit of drinking(a buzz is better than a blackout, and taking two or three hours with some appetizers and soda to sober up is better than having to spend money on an Uber - things that bring your further joy, as opposed to staring out a stranger's car window or trying to sleep on the ride).

Find your own arbitrary minutia. Stupid stuff, like keeping that night's drinks budget to around what the Uber home(or food & caffeine) costs. Tip the strippers only in what you're comfortable parting with in $5 bills, $10s or $20s(blows my mind there's still assholes tipping in ones, nevermind the majority of club-goers doing it).

Find amusement in making up your own little rules to keep your budget it line, yourself out of jail, and even verbally talk up your own ego. Think of it less in terms of reigning yourself in, and more, "I deserve better than to lose it all in one night". Build up your confidence, and build up a friend-group that apprecieates you just enjoying yourself with even half-assed restraint going on.

Helps to learn to intermittently splurge on others, yes, even the bar-flies and other drunks - espeacially when there's nothing in it for you but the amusement at how fake and happy they get over a free drink. Let the people who start the night with an Uber and/or even pre-gaming provide the antics, the stories that make you chuckle and shake your head later.

Note: I'm cheaper than all this(except the stripper thing, once in a few years or so) - half of it is me trying to put into words how my gay best friend conducts himself, and what I get out of hanging out at the bar with him every few months. Neither of us are actually interested in sleeping with the bar-flies or strippers, so apologies if that doesn't work for you. Find what does.