Aotearoa / New Zealand

Woke up at 7am with barely any rest, due to nightmares about being in hospital and having a heart attack.

"I should drink caffeine again. None of this decaf crap is doing me any good!" I thought to myself. So I went to the cupboard, and made myself a strong coffee to break my sobriety with. Next thing I know, far from keeping me awake and alert - I fell asleep so deeply - that I woke up at 11:45am all disoriented, seeing fractals and visuals.

Needless to say, I have Health Anxiety. It's really just a fear of death, at the end of the day. I know that therapy and medication won't help me, as it'll just cause me to become obsessed with medication side-effects. The only thing that will help me is to accept death, and live every single day as if it were my last. Chase after my goals and aspirations like a ram-raider. Hurry up and live my life, and live it Fast - because my mind is still drenched in fear, excuses and procrastination. I've got 1 year worth of food, and technically 30 years worth of my prescription meds. I could survive a nuclear war, if I needed to. So cost of living is no excuse, either. (I might need a new passport, though...)