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Advice on helping a loved one through alcoholism? (lemm.ee)

submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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My fiance has been struggling a lot lately with this and it's taking a toll on me. I'm doing all I can and all I know how to do but it's getting really hard and exhausting to deal with the constant cycle of abuse and then apology and then abuse and then apology over and over and over again for months. Usually day by day. I have convinced her to go to a counselor for help and she has an appointment set and seemed willing but she has kept up the cycle of drinking and I'm afraid she'll just ignore it or pretend to go. If anyone has experience helping a loved one through overcome this I would appreciate the help. She is an absolutely wonderful person when she is sober and I love her with all my heart but I'm not sure what else I can do and I don't want the rest of my life to consist of this.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago (2 children)

She has to want to do it. AA can be a great community (depends on group) but the God part shits me off. There are secular versions and online meetings. Other CBT models exist. A good read / listen is ‘Breaking Addiction’ by Lance Dodes. Talks about the underlying background trauma which the addict (of anything) will need to analyse and come to terms with.

[–] PlutoniumAcid 7 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Absolutely, they have to WANT to stop. Otherwise it simply won't work.

Not to be that guy but OP should seriously consider whether you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this. It won't pass.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Yeah she has an appointment with a non religious help group soon, AA would just make it worse for her I know. The thing is when she's sober she really DOES want to get help. And then she gets cravings and she caves and it's always just one but then just one turns into two turns into 6 turns into 12....She hates herself the next morning and it's real regret. She wants help, and she knows she needs it, but she's just struggling with actually going through with cutting everything out

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Yeah it’s fucking hard and doesn’t really square up with reason and logic in broad daylight. I know.

Try the book. I listened to it while driving, on Spotify. It makes sense and involving discovering triggers relating to past trauma which the addict is trying to escape.