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this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2023
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It's just typical of literally any topic on the internet. I will say that as an actively involved parent of younglings, it is exhausting but in a different way than working an exhausting job. Like, I stayed up multiple days in a row with barely maybe 10-20 minute naps here and there in the Army. Those days were definitely when I was the most "tired." But I was also much younger, so fatigue didn't hit the same as it does 10 years later (late 30s now vs early-to-late 20s back then).
But yeah, people will gatekeep anything. I agree with this person, folks are all different with different (and similar) stressors. What I think is true exhaustion another may not, and vice versa.
I get what your saying, but you'd have to actively accept that there's a community or identity of "tiredness" that parents identify themselves with in order for them to "gatekeep". And I don't think any parent that I've known has ever said anything to that effect.
I think gatekeeping is being used way to loosely here.
Edit: It'd be like someone saying "it only gets worse," in reference to how tired you are, as a joke. I would consider this almost in the exact same line as the statement below, and I wouldn't consider that "gatekeeping" either.
You've never heard someone say "just wait until you have kids!" In response to someone saying they're tired or haven't been sleeping well? It's definitely a thing that happens, people try to one up each other (or "gatekeep") on almost every topic, parenting being a common one.
I have, and I would never consider that being "gatekeeping". Sure, you could consider that dismissive, but it's often just a normal conversational statement. Not once have I ever heard that phrase and thought..."fuck, this person is not validating my feelings. I feel hurt.". It's an extremely minor statement.
Also, one upping is NOT gatekeeping. It's literally called "one upping".
This is such a weird conversation to have. Like, I get what your saying, but none of these examples are "gatekeeping". I've never heard of someone "gatekeeping" tiredness".
The original post is implying that parents gatekeep tiredness from non-parents. I don't know if it's factually true to a statistically significant enough level for you. I was just providing an example of the kind of comment OP was referring to because you seemed confused and incredulous that someone may have had that kind of experience.
This is what happens when you want to be pedantic about a joke someone made. People were enjoying this and you came in with your "WELL ACH-TUALLLLY" shit.
Meh. If you're are tired and you add kids, you will be more tired. 100% true.
Exhibit A
Lol this shit isn't gatekeeping. Words have lost meaning.
Downplaying someones' struggles because you assume you have it worse is absolutely a form of gatekeeping. Dismissing someones' feelings simply because they don't rise to the bar of your criteria is like ... the EXACT situation of non-literal gatekeeping...
Yeah, I'm not disagreeing with that. It just feels like it's a weird strawman argument to have. I've literally never seen anyone ever dismiss how tired someone was because they don't have kids. That's literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It's like a made-up boogieman to feel righteous against.
If you've never heard it then you've never socialized with many parents. Even excellent parents say it jokingy from time to time.
The opposite is a single person gloating about having money or free time instead of kids. Is it common? No. Though it does crop up in the real world, and in similar situations: as a snarky retort to hearing someone complain.
Yes, jokingly or even maybe conversationally as something to keep smalltalk going. I've never once seen any one ever use it as "gatekeeping", which is the whole point I'm trying to make. It's a strawman argument so that the OP could feel validated by "vindicating" tired people from those evil, gatekeeping parental units. It's a ridiculous post against something entirely farcical.
Gatekeeping is keeping anyone out of the gate. You can absolutely casually swat someone away in the middle of a conversation. Gatekeeping doesn't have to be an adversarial interaction.