this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2023
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Not referring to women as 'fem' might help.
Also: Not giving up in despair after one woman rejects your attempts at courtship
The issue is that you are already negativaly conditioned by faliure. I got empathy for the guy.
When I start socializing with women, I already feel extremely dreadful, like I already failed even before I get negative response. I wouldnt want this for the worst of my enemies.
I dont think you need to push him to conform to how you would talk about women. You are in a completely different situation.
I'm not pushing anyone, but if you keep seeing women as objects you're just going about it the wrong way.
Re-conditioning yourself is the best way to go about it. Focus on improving yourself, that way you will get more confidence. If any interaction you have with women is about potentially having sex with them thats a problem. OP should stayed at the 'not trying to hit on them and being glad someone liked his cake' place, and build confidence from that. I originally though that it was an uplifting post when I read that, as he really feels like he got a skill that others admired.
Not not everybody that likes your cookies will like you personally too, but at least you know you have learned a skill that you can be proud of.
Also I think it might be good to avoid the whole "I'm interested in her but also not trying to hit on her or anything". Sure, the "two people quietly have a crush on each other for a long time until one of them finally says something" can work out, but it depends on both people not having any other prospects that do make a move, as well as them not having a "fine, I didn't want it in the first place" defense in response to doing exactly what OP is doing here, which absolutely can crush crushes (or sometimes convert it into disdain).