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Getting high reveals how arbitrary the connection is between how you feel and how well things are going.
(self.showerthoughts)
this post was submitted on 20 Oct 2023
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As I've gotten older, this is true, but in the reverse of what is implied. I can be like "man, what a great day, I got a ton done, I'm feeling very proud of myself, I think I'll hit the vape."
Cut to two hours of anxiety about a misspoken word in the midst of the aforementioned day punctuated by two panic attacks about tomorrow.
Man I'm sorry that that's how you experience it. When I'm high I listen to my favorite music and zone the fuck out. The real world rarely enters my thoughts.
Often I'll think about projects I want to work on and get mega inspired from random stuff I find on the internet. Of course, the motivation evaporates when I'm sober, but at least I took notes while I was blasted ๐
It doesn't happen every time, and it happened a lot less when I got high more often. Now that it's rarely (more like once a week instead of once a day) it seems to happen more. I think it also has something to do with being older and having significantly more responsibilities.
I do sometimes miss getting high more often, but I actually find I'm overall much happier with my life. I'm not saying that happened because I'm high less. The opposite really, I think I feel the need to get high less because I'm generally just happier with my life.
I also know it fits into peoples' lives in all kinds of different ways. I'm friends with all day, every day smokers who are quite happy with their lives, quite accomplished, and have tons of responsibilities, so I don't think there is a correlation in that sense. I just don't want you to think I'm trying to subtly criticize! I'm not. ๐
Don't worry, that definitely wasn't my impression. I'm glad you're in such a position that you don't feel the need to get high all the time. And besides, if the thing that stresses you the most is a misspoken word, it sounds like you're doing just fine!
It's telling that you feel the need to post this comment only a day after explaining how you don't want to be alive.
I remember your name from a different thread where you were also being needlessly and impotently angry, and I went to confirm it was you. It was, and your post I'm here referencing was five posts ago, it was literally on the first page when I clicked your profile.