this post was submitted on 20 Oct 2023
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I know it’s a modern thing to wait many years before marriage, but living with someone for a year is plenty of time to know who they are as a person. Most people need to shit or get off the pot at that point but they don’t because apathy is easier.
Yep we were only living together for about a year indeed before I asked my wife to marry me. But we were also nearly 30 when we met, I think if you're younger then waiting longer is better.
It doesn't say they lived together for a year, it says a year after they met
I'm only going to say that bluntly, the only reason why myself and a few of my friends in long term relationships aren't married, essentially boils down to two things: #1. Getting married is expensive. We're all millennials and most of us are just trying to pay bills. #2. After you've crossed the threshold of "common law" here, there isn't much of a point. Most common law partnerships have the same benefits with few exceptions. The legal/financial benefits of being married are almost entirely covered by being common law, so for the most part getting married is more about the statement of being married (eg, "this is my wife/husband" type thing, though, several unmarried people I know use those terms anyways), and having a wedding to show off or whatever.
The people in my circles tend to value people who stick around out of desire to help eachother than from some vow or perceived obligation because you're married or whatever. We see family the same way, if you're a toxic person and you expect me to put up with your shit because we share more chromosomes than I do with the rest of the population, than you're in for a rude awakening. The strongest bonds I have, are from facing the perils of life, standing along side my friends. We may not be blood relatives, but we're family; these friends have been a better family to me and I to them than their biological brothers/sisters/mothers/fathers.
Bluntly, I don't see how a legal document could make what we already have any better than it already is. That being said, there are some very specific legal benefits in my country to being married vs common law. Because of that, I will eventually sign the paperwork. My SO and I will likely just get it signed at city Hall and throw a big party/reception after.
Maybe this is a cultural or generation difference, but I do not expect my partner to stick around because of some vow, I except my partner to stick around because of love. If the day comes when that love is gone, I would not want my partner to live with me. Marriage is out of love, not need, for me at least.
I see it as way for me tell my partner how much I am willing to commit, to say that "I REALLY want to be with you". Call it a proof of our love, if you will. Another way to express our love.
It's not just about who you are. Modern life is full of instability, but most relevant here I think is future plans. It might make sense to be together today but career paths, opportunities, desire to live near family or friends, things that we want, can all change with time. This is especially true for young people today, with the unprecedented income inequality and expense of basic housing. When you're just trying to get your feet under you it's hard to imagine getting married, and you don't know if you'll still want the same things in a few years. It's not apathy, it's pragmatism.