this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2023
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I'm confused how two drunk people having sex is date rape? I mean I'm assuming OP was also drinking.
it doesn't matter if your ability to make decisions is also impaired, it only matters that hers is. the fact that she is intoxicated means that her decision making and impulse control are both impaired. this means that it is effectively the same as drugging her to get her to agree and therefore is the same as rape. if you both agreed earlier while sober, obviously that changes things. all of the above is still true no matter your condition, because your condition isn't what makes it rape, the condition of the person you are having sex with is.
edit: for clarification, this applies regardless of the gender of either person. I presented it as straight with the male at fault because 1) that's what the situation in the post would have been, 2) I am a guy, and so I think about this from the perspective of what I would need to consider is such a situation, and 3) the way I was raised, the man would be considered at fault regardless in most situations under the (admittedly somewhat flawed) assumption that the man is convincing the woman and not the other way around.
Okay so firstly adultery isn't a crime in Canada, that would be insane. Not sure where you're from. While cheating is absolutely disgusting, it is more disgusting to think that somewhere that's a punishable crime.
Secondly, your comment about her sobering up and saying you raped her isn't significant. A girl can say that about sex at any time. Drunk, sober, on a Wednesday, doesn't matter.
At the end of the day, two drunk people having sex isn't really rape. Words have meaning, and rape has a definition.
You can call it gross, immoral, etc., but it's by definition not rape, assuming they were both drinking and she wanted it, and she wasn't black out drunk. I don't see why OP would be sober at a party.
That being said, yes, OP did the right thing in multiple ways. I'm not saying he should've had sex with her, all I'm saying is that if he did, it definitely wouldn't have been categorized as rape.
You're talking about a completely different thing.
A violent boyfriend is completely unrelated to calling something that isn't rape, rape.
I also think if you get angry and physical at the person who slept with your girlfriend/boyfriend, you're a douche. Violence solves nothing, but maybe blame the person who slept with you that had the boyfriend?
Maybe in that situation the girl decides herself that she's fully done with her boyfriend, and the relationship is over. You sleep with her, and then the next day she decides she wants to continue the relationship. How's that your fault? She's a grown adult that can make decisions for herself. In that situation, the girl is the shitty one, and the boyfriend should be fully mad at her, not at the guy she slept with. That's insane.
I also say this as someone who was cheated on. I never blamed the guy who she cheated with. She knew she was in a relationship with me. I'm not going to go hurt the guy because of a decision she made. He was shitty, but she didn't say no, and he didn't force her. I'm also not going to fucking hit her, like you seem to be implying happens lmao.
So ya. Let's normalize getting angry at the correct person. Normally I'd recommend getting your belongings back, blocking them, not speaking to them again, and finding someone new who respects you. It's actually pretty easy, and doesn't require physically harming anyone!
You seem to have gamed out a bunch of unlikely or purely pragmatic reasons why this behavior is not a good idea. I think it's a lot simpler: it's wrong to knowingly aid somebody in cheating. That's enough reason not to do it; no need to speculate on whether her boyfriend will retaliate against you or (even more unlikely) whether she'll falsely accuse you of rape later.