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People in the business of reviewing Android phones couldn't possibly know about sideloading. I'm shocked anyone at Google thought this would do anything but make them look bad.
It would probably violate agreements and they'd blacklist the reviewers for future releases. It would also make those reviewers look bad if they don't respect review agreements and embargos. Other companies might not trust them with preview units.
I agree Google looks absurd here. But if my living was being made reviewing things, I wouldn't want to risk companies not giving me the early look that reviewers get. Especially when I can just wait till the device comes out and benchmark it then, since there's no longer an embargo or agreement once a device goes public
A reviewer who's being ethical would note any such demands from a manufacturer in their review, or refuse to review a product if the demands were too extreme. Banning benchmarks from reviews is pretty questionable, though not unprecedented. I should note that I am a reviewer, though not of phones and I don't make my living from it. I have encountered and rejected the occasional unethical request (usually manufacturers wanting to screen the review's content before publication).
Trying to keep people from benchmarking it via the Play Store is the absurd part. They can use a contract for reviewers, but that's not even going to slow down sophisticated end users.