I fall in and out of consciousness, basically. I wake up at random times and fall asleep at random times. I missed my therapy session because of this. I also cannot sit normally. I'm tired and cannot function. "Best" part my surgeon thought to reduce my sick leave from 2 weeks to 1, but thankfully a GP gave me 2. I just hope I actually recover. I still haven't called the hospital about a checkup, because it's far and I don't yet feel safe making the journey and cannot afford taking a taxi back and forth.
Today morning I woke up at 5 completely unable to focus my eyes, but also completely unable to fall back asleep. I've never experienced such a thing. My eyes would unzoom from any text I tried reading basically immediately.
The first few days I was super swollen with little pain, but since the swelling went down, it hurts. The wound healing looks the worst from all the wounds I've had, subjectively judged anyway. I fear I'll need another surgery. One part of the wound literally feels as if they implanted a small-ish completely hard ball under my skin. Yes, yes, I know, go for a checkup - I will once I literally can.
I just woke up after 19:00 and I don't even remember when I fell asleep. I guess I'm extra cranky about it, because it's super dark outside.
I don't feel like my life is in any danger at all and I feel super guilty unable to work, even though I don't believe I am capable of working in any form as is.
I just sat for ages trying to figure out how to finish this, but I just wanted to vent, so sending as is.
Many of us have been ingrained to think that not working is inherently bad. It’s actually far from the truth. Many people would be much better off if they took the time to heal themselves, in a lot of ways (physically, mentally, emotionally). It’s just that some societies frown on any sort of imperfection, as if we should never want to take time off work… It’s a false narrative that is spread for the sake of profits.
Try not to let that “productivity” grind mindset hold you back. Small steps. Small victories. Let them build into the big progress you need to be healthy. Yes, recovery can mean having to push your boundaries and put in effort into getting better. But set reasonable standards and goals. Then go get them.
Better, brighter days ahead. And at least your surgery is now in the rear-view mirror!