I fall in and out of consciousness, basically. I wake up at random times and fall asleep at random times. I missed my therapy session because of this. I also cannot sit normally. I'm tired and cannot function. "Best" part my surgeon thought to reduce my sick leave from 2 weeks to 1, but thankfully a GP gave me 2. I just hope I actually recover. I still haven't called the hospital about a checkup, because it's far and I don't yet feel safe making the journey and cannot afford taking a taxi back and forth.
Today morning I woke up at 5 completely unable to focus my eyes, but also completely unable to fall back asleep. I've never experienced such a thing. My eyes would unzoom from any text I tried reading basically immediately.
The first few days I was super swollen with little pain, but since the swelling went down, it hurts. The wound healing looks the worst from all the wounds I've had, subjectively judged anyway. I fear I'll need another surgery. One part of the wound literally feels as if they implanted a small-ish completely hard ball under my skin. Yes, yes, I know, go for a checkup - I will once I literally can.
I just woke up after 19:00 and I don't even remember when I fell asleep. I guess I'm extra cranky about it, because it's super dark outside.
I don't feel like my life is in any danger at all and I feel super guilty unable to work, even though I don't believe I am capable of working in any form as is.
I just sat for ages trying to figure out how to finish this, but I just wanted to vent, so sending as is.
Your body was cut into, pieces cut and changed. Inflammation everywhere to make it easier for your immune system (which is in overdrive) to get every intruder.
Your body has to redirect resources to rebuild, stitch and repair tissue while also building new cells for the immune system, etc.
You’ll be alright but try and go easy on yourself. If your body is tired then it’s tired and it’s not a failing on your part. Your body knows what it needs. So get rest, eat and drink well as per your doctors orders and go easy on yourself.
I know, I know, it's far from my first surgery. But I feel useless and anxious. I'm anxious because I'm not doing anything, but I'm too anxious to do anything. I cannot explain it any better. Thanks for responding btw.
If it helps any… you’re actually exerting effort to not do anything. Taking time doing nothing is a huge time expense.
So good job. But yeah, you’ll feel like that but it’s alright. Both to feel that way and to keep doing what you’re doing.