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Not to put a damper on the Florida-bashing, but despite how novel this outbreak sounds, Florida has dealt with giant land snails many times before. And history has shown time and again that eradication is very possible. So long as the pest control folks are given the money and space to do their job, these things will be gone soon enough.

Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Florida’s evaporating home insurance market, toxic beachfront algae, inhospitable attitudes towards LGBTQIA+ people, lack of migrant workers to harvest crops, and, you know, women having control over their own bodies.