this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2023
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Linux
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Linux is a family of open source Unix-like operating systems based on the Linux kernel, an operating system kernel first released on September 17, 1991 by Linus Torvalds. Linux is typically packaged in a Linux distribution (or distro for short).
Distributions include the Linux kernel and supporting system software and libraries, many of which are provided by the GNU Project. Many Linux distributions use the word "Linux" in their name, but the Free Software Foundation uses the name GNU/Linux to emphasize the importance of GNU software, causing some controversy.
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I think the advice should be taken to heart here
you're dealing with a userspace problem but you're trying to get the kernel to make it all better.
You've already mentioned the two big things, compressed RAM and swap; optimizing userspace (or paying for more RAM) may be the only option at some point.
If you want to get creative, is there a reason you can't use a local computer for some of these services? An old raspberry pi or similar could potentially run some of your services. You could run some containers on your home server and call it a day. Quick search turned up this https://www.linuxserver.io/blog/routing-docker-host-and-container-traffic-through-wireguard