Asklemmy

Getting older sucks. Trying to do the right thing sucks. I don't want to be with my girlfriend. I'm always distracted by other women and daydreaming about how I would try to pick up girls. I made a commitment to her to help her with her career change before sorting out our relationship issues, but she's been working on this shit for a year and a half. I'm frustrated being at a company of people mostly younger than me who get caught up in petty bullshit. Lots of the leaders don't know how to lead, and while the CEO is listening to me to get a leadership training program in place, there are only two people on that team. I want to go over there, take shit over, and teach these kids how to be awesome, but I have commitments to my current department. My two new team members have only been here 3 and 6 months, so i shouldn't leave them yet. And then there's the new machine learning development pipeline they want me to plan out and set up. It's fun. I wanna do it. But i average 27 hours a week in fucking meetings. Sure, a lot of that is my fault, but i wish i wasn't the only guy in my area with the level of tech knowledge i have, the vision, and the communication skills to coordinate people to do stuff. And i know people are gonna read this and be like "oh woe is me. You work at an AI company in a position of power. Boo hoo." Yeah, I know I got it good, but I want more. I want to do awesome shit. Everything is so fucking clear to me. I can see how we should be in the next five years, and i want us to be there right fucking now. I've worked my whole damn life to now. This is my fucking prime. And now I'm stuck waiting for a bunch of children to figure out how to get shit done. They're smart as fuck, but no one in this damn country understands leadership. It's all old school military style "Yes sir. Thank you sir. May i have another sir" kind of bullshit. There's SO much potential here. I want to see these people conquer the fucking world. They're smart and talented and, oddly enough, some are legit fucking beautiful, and I ain't got time for them to be fucking around. If the CEO would bite the fucking bullet and do another investment round or something so we could hire people. So many people have quit in the last two months because of burnout. It's fucked. Things are falling apart from the understaffing and trash leaders. And I can't go start my own fucking company because my visa doesn't work well for that and i don't have that kind of money and there's no way in hell I'm going back to the US. Fuck, man. I was supposed to be married with kids running my own fucking business by now. Sure, I got it good individually, but the planet is fucking dying, people are desperate and succumbing to fascist tendencies, people are so up their own asses that they can't see the rich of the world exploiting them like fucking pigs, and despite all the fucking work I've been in throughout my life and everything I've been told my entire life, I'm not gonna be Elon fucking Musk. Sorry mom. I wasn't joking when I said I'd never be as rich as him. "Never say never!" Shut up you fucking moronic cow. You Trump-loving, ignorantly hateful creature masquerading as human. Fuck. I'm so tired. We have the internet. The sum of all human knowledge is at our damn fingertips, and we're still fucking ourselves so some clever assholes can compare bank accounts like measuring their dick sizes. I just want us to do good. I want a partner that can keep up with me and that I want to make happy. I want my current company to get past its growing pains or start my own. I want humanity to come together and fulfill the promise that modernity has been saying is just out of reach for decades. Are we doomed? Are we just programmed to be tribalistic idiots that are never satisfied with what they have? Why can't I just be happy? Fuck, I was happier before, and things have mostly improved for me individually since then. I'm so tired.

But I hope you're doing awesome. Smile for me? At least let my suffering be entertaining so I can make just one more person happy? Please? I just want to help. I just want to be useful