this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2023
5 points (85.7% liked)
The 13th Floor
121 readers
1 users here now
A place betwix the betweens, thought unlucky by some, imaginary by others. Beloved by pirates and paupers, freaks and geeks, barbarians and bards, for here is where art, language, magick, science, and reality waltz. Enter for amusement purposes only - this is but another moment of madness on the wheel of fate. Original Content is treasured here - if creativity flows in your soul, your work is welcome. Birthplace of #cinemainsomnia, #oddradio, and of course, the #13thFloor RSS feed **[Note: this community created by @[email protected], temporarily maintained by @[email protected] while Arotrios is on hiatus or between dimensions]**
founded 1 year ago
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
All right - that's some action I can get behind. Let's jump in the jesus jalopy and breeze it before the bird sends the bulls. But I gotta hear this malarkey about your family - still ain't sure whether you're swell or a skid rogue.
So here's the deal.
First off, the Valley of Fire is huge - we're talking Grand Canyon sized, pocketed with open pools of magma and molten rivers. Where the fire doesn't flow, the jungle consumes all. Ferns taller than me, vines the size of your tight, and mosquitos the size of passenger pigeons. Don't even get me started on the damn dragonflies. At 90 degrees in the shade with near 100% humidity, it's not a pleasant hike, so by the time I got to the cage match, I was completely exhausted and soaking in sweat.
I was in no mood to be served with a child support subpoena, so I can't be blamed for slugging the birdman who delivered it. Asshole shot me in the nuts with an energy beam afterwards and then sent me a bill with another subpoena for a personal injury lawsuit.
So it's good we're getting out of town right now. But I digress.
It turns out that about 80 years ago, back when I was the drummer for Wyldtoe and the Squatches, we had played in a tiki bar just inside of a vortex in Sedona (before the place was crawling with hippies). I met this groupie, a redhead, Mogollia, and we got... intimate.
I never heard from her again, and thought that was the end of it. But apparently she moved from Sedona through the vortex to the Valley of Fire to raise our son - goddamit - I mean daughter.
That's where things got complicated and I screwed up. The child support paperwork was filled out for a boy, specifically a boy named Moon Boy, and when I calmed down I decided to go and talk to Mogollia and meet my kid.
So I get to their thatch hut, and knock on the door. A young girl answers, and I say "Hi, I'm looking for Moon Boy. I'm his fath-" but then she yells at me about deadnames and deadbeats and slams the door in my face. "It's Moon GIRL you worthless asshole!" she shouts out the window.
To make things worse, that's when Devil Dinosaur decides to show up. Because it was in the back yard. It's her damn pet. So this thing starts chasing after me for making Moon Girl cry and I can't kill my kid's pet. Even if it is a forty foot tall hellspawn from the Jurassic.
At that point, I figured it was best to cut my losses. So I pulled the old disappearing Sasquatch trick and slipped into the jungle, which didn't go over well. "Yeah, that's all you're good for, LEAVING!"
I spent a couple of nights out there trying to figure out what to do, because each time I tried to go back the damn tyrannosaur would chase me away. So I finally sent a letter by messenger raptor apologizing, but I haven't heard back yet. I mean, I was honestly trying to do the right thing.
I hope she forgives me.
Pass me that bong, willya?