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this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2023
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So I have this "core memory" mentality to parenting. When my kid does something really annoying (like want to go to the public bathroom just because I'm going) I remind myself that I don't want this to be the one thing this month/ year he remembers when he's 20.
This is a fantastic way to look at it keep it up even though it's hard.
There's so many memories I have that are... less than stellar... that I remember from growing up that my relatives don't recall at all.
A great way I heard it is, "The axe forgets but the tree remembers."
That's an understandable approach.
On the flip side, that one thing he remembers down the road might just be a critical life lesson. It still might be an important development, even if they remember it negatively. They'd suffer worse if they don't learn the lesson at all.
My youngest (4) is going through what I’m dubbing his “Sour Patch Kid” days. He will intentionally and directly do everything he can to make me angry. Running away. Pooping his pants (multiple times). Throwing, hitting, spitting, picking fights with his brother (7). You name it.
And then he’s sweet as a peach a few hours later. “You’re the best dad ever”, sneaking up on me to kiss my hand or give me a hug, willfully holding my hand in the store (he’s always been the “independent explorer” type), etc.
It’s really tough to keep it together during the sour part of the cycle. I’ll try to keep this in mind.