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I made this post a while ago as a joke, but I've been thinking ever since that it might be neat to actually make a proper guide...so here's that.
I mostly made this with LibreOffice Draw, plus Krita for the mess of logos on page 1. Project files are here if anyone wants to modify this and make their own version.
EDIT: And I've immediately noticed a typo in the imgur export. Welp, too late now.