this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2023
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I find it weird that someone would want to have sex with someone who obviously does it only for money.
Now that you mention it, isn't it odd that it feels weird? I wonder exactly where the line starts to come into focus between something as innocuous as paying for a meal and something as taboo as paying for sex? Obviously that's a question of culture, but it's entertaining to think about nonetheless...
Like, there's definitely something kind of unusual about this specific taboo. Speaking from the perspective of modern western culture, I'd say that the following things which share some characteristics with prostitution are all individually qualified as being relatively socially acceptable:
I posit that there's something uniquely specific about the direct intersection of service, money, and sexual pleasure which makes prostitution uniquely uncomfortable for (modern western) people to think about. I might be overthinking it, though. Perhaps these three things are already uncomfortable topics to really think about so we naturally want to resist the idea of combining them?
I think the reason is that for some people sex is not the same as any other activity you can do with your body and I think it’s not just culture but actually a neurobiological reaction.
It’s probably just odd because we know awfully little about how our brains, our hormones and whatever feelings are work. And sex is really one thing that taps into all three of these areas we don’t understand yet.
To give you another example, we can’t really explain why some types of torture are so devastating to us.
We value interactions differently because we intuitively want to be careful with things that could potentially influence us in major ways. Personally I believe buying sex feels so uncomfortable for some people because for them bonding and intimacy is connected with it. That clashes with buying it from a stranger. Also it seems kinda pointless or deranged then. Like buying a birthday party or a Christmas Eve with strangers.
Well sure, we can take it as a given that sex basically exists in its own special category. Biologically speaking, it's an impulse older than almost any other. I think that's self-evident enough without any need to tap into mysticism.
(Content warning: sexual violence in human history, abstract)
With that being said, it could also be argued that r-word is also deeply ingrained within human biology, particularly in the context of warfare. Even if we discount the (extensive) evidence within the anthropological record demonstrating this, there are clues baked into human physiology which seem to indicate that the human species itself is uniquely adapted to perpetrating r-word when compared amongst the other hominid species.
(Content warning concluded)
I apologize for bringing such a nasty subject up at all, but it's useful to weigh such things when talking about the deep biological roots of sex and how it makes us think/feel. I personally believe that it's too limiting to describe sex as an implicitly pure thing which only becomes wrong when certain impure people corrupt it. Please don't take that as a doomer statement! I personally see it as a triumpth that, through culture, we can collectively transform an act as ambiguous as sex into an idealized and pure expression of interpersonal love. I nevertheless do still try to be mindful of the capacity for sex to exist outside of the box we've crafted for it, though.
Do you not have a concept of personal space? Having a person you don't care for literally inside your body is rather different than serving them a meal. Do you think that forcing someone to give you a haircut is the same as forcing them to have sex?
Personally i don't understand how anyone can enjoy having sex with someone who isn't into it. The whole idea is repulsive and i think anyone who enjoys that must be very lacking in empathy.
I can tell I've struck a nerve here. I apologize for the harm that has caused. I am sorry.
And, yes. I do have a concept of personal space. I do think that forced sex is worse than a forced haircut. I understand the point you're getting at, but I would appreciate it if you didn't try to make it in such a forceful way next time. Thank you for responding.
I have considered it for exactly that reason. My family is healthy and happy except for that my wife completely lost her sex drive after childbirth and finds sex not just to be a chore but to be completely revolting.
I don't want to tear my family apart just to get laid. I'm not interested in loving some other woman or having an affair, I love my wife and my daughter and I have no need for another relationship.
However it's been years of celibacy and what I do need is sex, but without romance and with a professional who as they say "you don't pay them for the sex, you pay them to leave afterwards".
I've known sex workers who do it because they love sex, and if they're gonna be out there having a lot of sex they might as well also get loads of money from it.
To be fair, about half of them then got into drugs and started doing it to keep up their drug habit...before the drugs they were very choosy about their clients and only picked the ones they liked, but afterwards they needed more money so they dropped standards.
But the other half were just getting paid to go on dates and have sex, which is what they'd be doing anyway.
I don't hire sex workers because I don't have the money for it lol. But if I did, I'd want one like that. I have no idea how rare it is.