Atheism

Sucks you had an upbringing like. Sounds a lot like mine, but I didn't come here to talk about me (Beyond my perceptions, observations and opinion. I'll give a little detail if you want it). I do agree with you that the words carry weight. However it's people that carry that weight in proxy. People choose to follow the teachings. People choose to forcefully brainwash and indoctrinate. People choose to ignore their better instincts. The Bible doesn't raise a hand to you. People do that.

Now I do believe you got some baggage you have to unpack, and I hope for the best on your journey for your betterment, but I personally think that your anger is directed in the wrong direction. Text can always say "that's wrong" but people are the ones that act on what is "wrong". In that they are refusing a basic necessity which is positivity and love. Their positivity and love is convoluted in the idea that (as you said) saving your soul is paramount. It's more important than social, physical, and mental comfort because that's what happened to them creating a level of normalcy in that environment.

However, when it comes to casting pain, one should not deflect blame from the one causing pain. They had as much opportunity to say to their abusers "no more" and they didn't. There's a depressing mix of cowardice and fear that drives these people. The fear of God was literally beat into them too, so that's how they know how to show love. I know. It sounds absolutely insane, because it is.

Now that that has been said, I want to tell you a story (I know. Unwarranted info about me while I'm still waiting for your permission, but I want to help cross this bridge):

I was homeless. Lived in a 1989 Mazda B2200 for a good year (yeah. Not that bad. I know). But I felt hopeless, angry, suicidal, lost. I had a friend who had extremely religious parents and she was an atheist cyber goth (had a huge crush on her, but I digress). She found out I was homeless and found out what parking lot I was sleeping in that night. She rolled up with her mom. They took me to a restaurant and bought me something to eat. And her mom explained to me that they had a spare room and I was more than welcome to move in under the condition I keep a job and go to college. Of course I obliged because I had absolutely nothing else. That same night I had a bed to sleep in. They never asked for a dime from me as long as I kept my end of the deal. Which I did. I didn't do well in school because I put more focus on work than I did education, but I tried. Mom realized it and changed the stipulation that as long as I maintain a job and be able to walk in with a smile on my face, then I could stay there. It was amazing. I've never felt so welcomed before.

Now mom was a very devote Christian. She DEMANDED that I and her daughter go to church at least one Sunday with them. At this point, how could I say no? I convinced (We'll call Maggy) Maggy to go, and we went. It was neither mine or Maggy's jive, and when we all left, Maggy and I expressed that. Mom's response was "that's ok. Thank you for going with me". It hit me then what her idea of saving souls was to make sure that all people do is do better.

That has stuck with me for 17 years. There is the potential of the majority to be damning, but there is also that one small light that can guide you through life.

The moral of that story is that even though there are people that will make your life harder, you will also find those few people that will make your life so much better regardless of what they believe or what you believe. Those are the people that truly love you and you should never let those people go

I hope the best for you