Veterans

Hello! I'm the same as you. I'm rated 70% for "persistent depressive disorder with major depressive episodes and stress induced anxiety", but I'm on TDIU as well. I only posted occasionally on Reddit because it never fails people just wanted to argue or play devils advocate all the time. I found it impossible to have an actual conversation every. But I lurked a lot, mostly for news, entertainment, and stuff about my hobbies and interests. I'm finding it much more comfortable here so far and don't think I will be going back.

Honestly, I'm struggling right now. I'm so grateful for getting TDIU, because it feels like my body had just been holding on until I was financially able to deal with medical issues, because once I got it last November, my body is falling apart. I've been dealing with diabetes for the past few years and just getting worse. I've had debilitating side effects with every medication and insulin is just not working for me. My blood sugars have been super high since I was diagnosed. I finally was able to see an Endocronologist and I'm working towards getting bariatric surgery sometime in the next few months, but it's been a struggle. The local VA clinic didn't have an Endo, so the pharmacist was just prescribing me different meds and higher doses, and then eventually insulin. I'm taking incredibly high amounts of insulin right now just to get my sugars partially in check. I didn't know I was supposed to see an Endo until it was too late and neuropathy has taken over my whole body. It's also made my carpal tunnel unbearable and right now I'm an just in constant pain and have been since the holidays. Also have lower back issues that keeps me from doing much of anything due to the pain. I'm just stressed and overloaded and really just need a break.

I've been managing the depression through therapy and meds but it's getting harder and harder and I'm finding the invasive thoughts creeping in more and more. I don't want to kill myself but man I don't want to live anymore. It takes everything in me to just get up every day. I have zero energy and just walking around feels like I'm using every ounce of strength I have. I just want some relief. They found tons of stomach ulcers when looking in my stomach as one of the prerequisites for surgery and I've been on antibiotics for a month to get rid of those. Everything has just zapped me of motivation and energy and I find myself just laying on the floor trying to keep going. I'm dealing but it's so hard sometimes.

Sorry for the huge post. This is supposed to be a welcome thing. I guess I just needed to get the feelings out. Thanks for listening whoever reads this!