this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2025
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I did a similar but more generalised thing since long ago, when I got my first pager (pre-mobile) in '95. I made myself a solemn promise that I would gratuitously and unapologetically use silent-mode, DnD, etc (including more recently auto-DnD every late-afternoon-to-mid-morning, even on weekends, when it became a thing) to live an almost exclusively asynchronous life. I almost never answer direct phone-calls too, often even for many of the recognised numbers. My modus operandi is this:
I didn't choose that for the sake of being antisocial, I chose it because I felt that "flow state" and "focus-retention while tackling complex problems" are extremely precious resources, and also increasingly rare. Most (not all) of the time if you don't push back to protect that then others won't voluntarily protect yours for you, because a lot of people only respect their own time, mental-bandwidth and priorities, and not those of others. I found that batching tasks together to grind through them in bulk without interruption is not only useful at work, but in most of the mundane/administrative parts of life too, because it minimizes the destructive effect of context-switching.
I discovered a very astute validation of this in an essay by Paul Graham "Maker's Schedule, Manager's Schedule" https://www.paulgraham.com/makersschedule.html
I kinda do this. I've found that I drift away from everyone. I don't respond in real time. I don't want to interrupt anyone for idle conversation.
Not sure I'd really recommend, but I can't seem to help drifting away from people. Only people in my life are my wife, kids, and people my wife keeps in my life, which includes my own folks.
It's lonely when I stop to think about it. Which mostly I don't, but when I do.... it sucks. And I think I'm accidentally raising my kids to be the same way.
Smart man.