this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2025
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Transfem

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I feel so embarrassed even considering certain things!

I know 'just trying it out' shouldn't be a big deal, but in my mind, it is. Even though I know it shouldn't be.

Can anyone else relate? It's like consciously, yeah it's just a thing. It's not inherently gendered (clothes, makeup whatever) But! I can't help but feel so embarrassed to try some shit

My partner has been extremely supportive thus far and is ready to explore with me, but shit is so embarrassing!

My guess is internalized "feminine is less than masculine" and I'm not sure how to get past it? Anyone else? Please? Advice? Am making sense?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

I think these types of feelings tend to come from a bunch of different places for everyone, and it takes each of us different amounts of time and effort to push through them. It's all super overwhelming, especially starting, and sometimes it's hard to pinpoint what's fear, anxiety, embarrassment, or some mental construct that society has programmed into us. It's all new, and sometimes learning and the fear of not being good at something will manifest as different negative emotions (thanks education system).

When you can, try to focus on every small victory! It's silly, but honestly, it is often one step at a time! Shaving different parts of your body and enjoying how smooth your skin is, starting your skincare routine/ritual, researching a new fashion aesthetic and buying your first pieces of clothing, or to make it easier - wearing colors which you may have avoided before, styling your hair differently, getting your nails painted, etc. Each little thing will feel like a huge mountain, but like anything, as you do them more, they'll start to feel more natural 🩷 You will stumble, but just do your best to be patient with yourself! Clothing might not fit or look quite right, that cute hairstyle might not fit your face quite yet, your hands will be a bit clumsy with that make-up brush - all these things are sooo normal, but we're just so used to only being exposed to the curated, 100th take, years of experience, perfect versions of others through social media.

Something that helped me was expanding my circle a bit and being present in queer spaces - physically or digitally. My ideas of gender completely crumbled as I started interacting with gender diverse people and people on their own journey exploring their gender identity. This will also help you find events or friends that will offer a safe space for you to build confidence outside of your home!