Rough Roman Memes

Explanation: The meme contrasts Cicero (depicted in the middle) with Naevius (left) and Martial (right).

The first quote is taken from one of the remaining fragments of Naevius' poetry, and it's a jab at Publius Cornelius Scipio, also known as Scipio Africanus. It's your daily reminder that no matter how glorious, capable, brilliant, and manly the heroes of the past are depicted, they were just men, and they probably had their fair share of secret affairs and other things they wanted to hide under the rug. It's also a reminder that Naevius is the poet Rome needed but didn't deserve. This is the original quote:

Etiam qui res magnas manu saepe gessit gloriose,
cuius facta viva nunc vigent, qui apud gentes solus praestat,
eum suus pater cum palliod unod ab amica abduxit.

Martial's quote is from his Epigrams (3, XXVI). Unfortunately, the target of his satire is lost to time, but feel free to speculate who might hide behind the nickname "Candidus"!

Praedia solus habes et solus, Candide, nummos
Aurea solus habes, murrina solus habes
Massica solus habes et Opimi Caecuba solus
Et cor solus habes, solus et ingenium
Omnia solus habes - hoc me puta velle negare!
Uxorem sed habes, Candide, cum populo.

At last, Cicero's word salad is from De Domo Sua. This is the full translation, although, honestly, who gives a flying fuck about Cicero's megalomaniacal rants? But for context, it’s a speech where he paints himself as one of the greatest heroes of Rome, the saviour of the state, and deserving not only of receiving his land back that his adversaries had stripped from him but also of having his house rebuilt at the expense of the state. Here's the full quote:

Quocirca te, Capitoline, quem propter beneficia populus Romanus optimum, propter vim maximum nominavit, teque, Iuno Regina, et te, custos urbis, Minerva, quae semper adiutrix consiliorum meorum, testis laborum exstitisti, precor atque quaeso, vosque qui maxime [me] repetistis atque revocastis, quorum de sedibus haec mihi est proposita contentio, patrii penates familiaresque, qui huic urbi et rei publicae praesidetis, vos obtestor, quorum ego a templis atque delubris pestiferam illam et nefariam flammam depuli, teque, Vesta mater, cuius castissimas sacerdotes ab hominum amentium furore et scelere defendi, cuiusque ignem illum sempiternum non sum passus aut sanguine civium restingui aut cum totius urbis incendio commisceri, ut, si in illo paene fato rei publicae obieci meum caput pro vestris caerimoniis atque templis perditissimorum civium furori atque ferro, et si iterum, cum ex mea contentione interitus bonorum omnium quaereretur, vos sum testatus, vobis me ac meos commendavi, meque atque meum caput ea condicione devovi ut, si et eo ipso tempore et ante in consulatu meo commodis meis omnibus, emolumentis, praemiis praetermissis cura, cogitatione, vigiliis omnibus nihil nisi de salute meorum civium laborassem, tum mihi re publica aliquando restituta liceret frui, sin autem mea consilia patriae non profuissent, ut perpetuum dolorem avulsus a meis sustinerem: hanc ego devotionem capitis mei, cum ero in meas sedis restitutus, tum denique convictam esse et commissam putabo.

Yep, it's all a single sentence. Thankfully this wasn’t stashed in the Library of Alexandria, or that fire would still be burning today!