Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
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This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
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Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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depending on where you live / what is culturally acceptable, you could probably just wear whatever you like - gender non-conforming styles are something even cis-men explore, esp. since the 1960s in the U.S. when feminine hippie styles (long hair, flowy clothes, floral patterns, etc.) took on anti-war significance.
EDIT: you have to remember, cis people are truly clueless, most people won't question your gender as a man even with jewelry, feminine behavior, etc. - many people will even think there were no signs when you had been feminizing in many ways
EDIT2: some examples from my own life, I wore women's clothing like skirts whenever I could growing up, yet my parents, friends, and other family never thought I might be trans; my step-mother even gave me her hand-me-down jeans to wear and this was considered reasonable / normal. When I transitioned, everyone was shocked, my mother told me there were no signs growing up. I think feminine traits on a man just reads as "gay", so just remember your fear that you will be outed as trans based on feminized things like jewelry might be outsized, others almost certainly aren't thinking that even if it should be obvious.
Lol. I think I'm starting to learn this.
It's awesome you were able to explore your feminity so openly. I'm in the US south so there's still a pretty low bar to being viewed as unacceptably feminine. Reading as gay is something I'd prefer to avoid just as much as being trans.
That being said, even with how bad things are getting I don't think I've internalized how accepting most people are these days. Finding a more feminine style that works for me will take a while probably.
sorry to give the wrong impression, I also live in the U.S. south and my dad physically threatened me and my mom when I was 4 years old and was gender exploring by trying on my mom's heels in her closet ... I had to hide most of my cross-dressing from people in my life but especially from my dad, and every exploration was a calculation of risk. The first time I bought skirts as an adult, I felt panicky while checking out, terrified they might think I was buying them for myself. Looking back, that was a silly fear considering nobody would think that.
That said, nobody that did know about my cross-dressing ever thought I might be trans. However, I didn't want to be read as gay either, just like you, I just knew it was safer to seem gay (and I didn't seem capable of not being seen as gay, people just assumed it from the way I looked and sounded, even if I did nothing to feminize).
I will say, socially transitioning before medically transitioning taught me that literally 99% of people don't care at all, you can wear a dress and paint your nails and wear jewelry and still look like a man, and you might get some stares or looks, but that's about it for the most part, even in the south. I think people just tend to mind their business. There are obvious exceptions to this, and it's good to avoid aggressive men, but it's nothing like I thought it was going to be (I guess in my head I figured I would be attacked on day one, and that the reactions would be more violent or angry).
I hope that someday soon you are able to transition. ❤️ Stay strong.