this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2024
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I was perplexed by the question. What's the difference? They explained: "Should I tiptoe and watch my manners around you or be blunt? Flirtatious or chill? Brag about my sexual conquests or talk about our feelings? When you're sad, do I hug you and buy you ice cream or do we go grab some beers? Should I wonder if we'll ever hook up?"

I'm not sure if I'm more appalled or confused by this mindset. I thought everyone treated their friends the same regardless of their gender identity. Is this just a fringe case of toxic masculinity, or is this really how the average cis person sees the world?

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[–] Nuke_the_whales 7 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

You're being a bit too sensitive I think. And also what's with cis bashing? I'm bisexual but I have trans friends who I would have similar questions for. They would never be offended by these questions or look for the malice in them. Why must you look at it maliciously because the person asking is cis (or you just assume they are cause they haven't told you otherwise, like people do with me).

Simply existing gets you labeled with toxic masculinity these days. I wish the term would die because it's been so bastardized that everyone uses it for anything they don't like about men. Use the term toxic femininity though and you get crucified

[–] bluebadoo 2 points 4 days ago

I think the whole “should I think about fucking you” part is pretty toxic if it’s coming from the mouth of a person you thought was your friend. Yeah, OP makes a generalization about cis people that doesn’t hold water but ultimately all the questions posed leave zero room for any ambiguity that the friend in question needs them to be either a “man” or “woman” in gender which frankly is a poor view on gender. What if they transitioned to non-binary? The friend in question is treating OP like a whole new entity that needs to be reassigned rather than a human who is making subtle adjustments to their social role.