Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
- Please be kind and respectful to all.
- Please tag NSFW topics.
- No NSFW image posts.
- Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
- Please do not repost bigoted content here.
This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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Hey, I just want to say I'm sorry you feel like this. I know it sucks not being happy with how you look, and it's hard, but try to step back and look at yourself through someone else's eyes. You might not be a supermodel, but you know who else isn't? 99.9% of everyone else. And so what? I find plenty of people attractive who aren't models, and plenty of models are unattractive to me. And honestly that's the thing, everyone has different opinions on what is or isn't attractive. You'll always be your own worse critic, but try to seperate your personal opinions on beauty from the equation. You aren't unattractive, you just might not be your type. I remember seeing some of your older posts, and like many people said then, you actually do look good. Dysphoria and self-image problems can make that hard to accept, but don't let your brain convince you that what some jerks might have said to you elsewhere (or what you imagine people think about you) is more true or important than what people are saying to you here.
Looking at yourself you'll see every flaw, every detail of yourself that you can criticize or compare with others. But when others look at you, I promise that's not what they'll see. They'll just see you, and the happier and more confident in yourself that you are, the better you'll look to them. Being yourself and being happy about that will do miles more than anything else to improve how both you and other people see yourself.
Trying to fight things like this alone can be hard, so if you're able to do so, I'd recommend trying to speak to a therapist. They'll be much better at helping articulate things than any random comment online could. If you can't do that then reach out to the comments offering to talk. I'd always be down to, and while I can't personally offer much advice in the way of makeup or clothes or stuff like that, I'd be more than happy to just chat or help out with anything I do know about.
If nothing else though, I hope you can try and look at yourself through an outside perspective. When you see a stranger on the street you won't scrutinize them for features of their body you dislike, so why should you do that to yourself? All that will do is magnify those thoughts, so try to find the elements of yourself you are happiest with and internalize those feelings instead. They don't even need to be physical, they could be clothes, skills, personality traits, events, whatever. Try to celebrate anything and everything that makes you happy to be you.
I’ve recently been working more with the public and the way I’m treated says otherwise, I’m treated horribly. People look at me like they did back in school and treat me the same, even this queer couple made a face at me when I was grabbing something for them. People think I’m gross and disgusting.
I can't claim to know your exact situation or anything, but it could be possible that some of what you see as people thinking you're gross isn't really that. If you experience enough mistreatment or hate then other things that might have a different explanation can definitely feel related to it. I'm not saying that as a way to try and minimize your experiences or anything, but sometimes it can help to try and find other reasons that people act how they do. If you have a negative image of yourself then it makes sense you'd imagine any sort of negative interaction is because of that, but people are complicated and there's no saying what necessarily causes someone to do anything.
Either way, the people who would bully anyone are assholes. If anyone mistreats someone because they don't conform to their specific standards then they don't deserve to have an opinion on you. I know that it's easier said than done, but try to ignore those people. Your self worth shouldn't be based on how jerks feel.
No matter how people act or how you perceive yourself, you are still worthy of love and happiness. There will always be people who find you unattractive for a variety of reasons, just like anyone else. But there are also tons of people who will find you attractive for those same reasons and more. And like I said before, what matters the most at the end of the day isn't how others feel, it's how you do. So try to go easy on yourself and remember that one person's opinion isn't a fact.
If you want to change something about yourself to make you happy, go for it! But trying to change yourself to make jerks happy will never work, because they can always find something new to criticize.
I hope you don't mind, I creeped on your profile and found prior posts with your photos. You look like a perfectly reasonable woman. I interact with women far less attractive than you regularly and don't feel disgusted.
Do you have a therapist? A professional would be a great resource for digging into the reactions you're seeing.
Thoose selfies are highly subjective, like the way I point my camera, I wouldn’t post something I couldn’t bare to look at, I just hate looking at myself
I think you look gorgeous. If I had to describe you in one word from the pictures you've posted it would be "important", like Lieutenant Uhura or Hermione Granger.