Late Stage Capitalism

Serving on juries is an important patriotic duty for Americans

Unfortunately, many times only pro-cop and pro-establishment types less likely to nullify make it to juries.

What is likely to get a person eliminated from a jury pool?

1. #Nullification on your X account

2. Admitting to knowing people who have been arrested or seeming any way connected to party culture, drug culture, or liberalism

3. Seeming hostile to law enforcement in any way, such as stating "Yes I have been to a protest"

4. Admitting to having family who has been arrested. (Do you know for sure they were arrested? If you aren't sure, do you need to admit it?).

5. Seeming too interested to be on the jury. Are you a little too excited about this? Or is it something that while inconvenient is important to do? Or perhaps something that is something you could do, and you'd be fair, but you don't really want to because it would be difficult? If you are yoo eager, or too willing, they will ask why.

-"Please pick me! I promise not to nullify!" will not make it onto a jury

6. Your clothing and manner of speech matters. "Like no way would I be unfair, like l... yeah... I'd be cool wif it" = liberal = eliminated. "I would try to be fair and sensible" = trying too hard. "I would be fair" = not eliminated. Don't use that exact phrase, find something short and do not convey anything with enthusiasm. Conservatives don't have a lot of emotion. Wearing anything baggy? Smelling just a little bit like reefer? Visible tattoos or noserings? Goodbye being on the jury.

7. Too much knowledge of the case. You can't be clearly lying either. "What horrible greedy CEO making old people miserable that got shot? Someone got shot? I dont use the Interwebs or know anything about how they used AI to deny claims" = fail, gone from the jury pool. "I've been watching it and following every update online" = gone. "I don't think so" = equivocating sounds like bullshit and gone. "I heard someone got shot and there was an arrest." = not eliminated

8. Don't answer with "Yeah, probably" or hedge your words if you are trying to get onto a jury. The DA will sense the lie and you're out. DAs are great at sensing liars.

9. In certain contexts, having views that could make you biased. "Yes, my grandparents were denied their claims and it made me furious. I hate those insurance companies so much" = gone from the pool. "Insurance companies deny claims? Really?" = obvious liar and gone from jury pool.

10. Blatantly lying in an obvious way = gone from jury pool. "No I've never been arrested" and the DA knows you had a drunk in public arrest 8 years ago in that very jurisdiction.

If you are selected and get to the jury room and say "We should nullify" a judge can remove you. They can't remove you for honest doubt. "Yes, it's suspicious and they look similar, but I don't believe he looks the same. Lots of people have large sexy black eyebrows and have smiles like that" is not grounds to remove you without creating an easy appeal, especially if you seem open to what the other jurors say but constantly vote to aquit. They can't remove you for suspecting you of trying to nullify if you aren't calling it that.

Is jury nullification a civic duty? Remember, the Boston Tea Party was illegal, the Declaration of Independence was illegal... Many things now viewed as fair were once viewed as bad. Being sexy and taking a stand against a corrupt system and being named after a video game character is not a crime.

This are hypothetical examples of what can get you kicked off a jury or removed from a jury pool. It's important to follow all laws and always tell the truth, including in court, and this post is for discussion purposes and satirical purposes only. You should always be honest, even if the results will continue to plunge the world into a further abyss of exploitation and misery, because honesty is virtuous and we need to follow the rules.